1. Today was a long good day. I leapt out of bed around 4:30 and did all I needed to do to collect what I needed for a medical trip to Spokane and about an hour or so later, I hit the road.
Once I checked in at Sacred Heart, I got right in for a blood draw.
Easy.
Now I had about four hours of waiting ahead of me before my appointment at the transplant clinic and I planned on enjoying that time.
I blasted right down to Lower Level 3 and grabbed a 20 oz triple latte, found a sunny window table and returned to reading Columbine by Dave Cullen. Later, I went to the coffee shop close to the transplant clinic for a bagel and cream cheese and another latte.
I read more about what investigators concluded from their analysis of all the writing and videotapes Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold produced for many months before they attacked the high school.
What really grabbed my attention was the conclusion that Eric Harris was a psychopath and, like many psychopaths, cunning, impulsive, manipulative, secretive, and unfeeling.
Eric Harris disguised his psychopathy with his high intelligence, charm, compulsive lying, manipulation, and highly developed ability to tell his parents, counselors and therapists who worked with him, members of law enforcement, teachers, and other adults exactly what they wanted to hear.
Uncontrite about his criminal acts, he faked contrition. Lacking any respect for authority, he faked respect. Incapable of love, he knew how to play act love. He was, at a very young age, an accomplished and successful con artist.
The, unanswered question for me was whether Eric Harris was born with psychopathy or whether it developed in him as he grew up.
I spend quite a bit of the time I ponder things thinking about freedom, its existence, value, limits, and its intoxicating power. I don't have answers and I especially don't have answers for the question of how free is the psychopath. Can the psychopath choose not to have dark and destructive fantasies? Choose not to feel superior, choose not to hate the world of stupidity and inferiority he (or she) lives in and want to destroy it, choose not to pursue the thrill of exerting power, of enjoying others' pain, of finding, at least, temporary pleasure in killing?
Reading Leah Sottile's list of books has confronted me with the question of whether Timothy McVeigh, Eric Rudolph, Rex Heuermann (the alleged Long Island serial killer), and other psycho(or socio-)paths are free to say no to the impulses, dark ideals, obsessions, and so on that drive them. (I'm also thinking back to 1980 when I read Norman Mailer's book, The Executioner's Song. How free was Gary Gilmore?)
It's been forty-five years since I studied Mark Twain in a seminar dedicated to his writings in graduate school. That seminar rattled me, while I was taking it and long after, because Mark Twain's writings became increasingly deterministic as he grew older and he became more and more skeptical of the existence of free will.
For twenty-six years, until the spring of 1980, free will was, to me, a given, an essential truth about human existence, a fact that transcended questioning or doubt.
Mark Twain's writing and the presentations of our professor, Dr. Clark Griffith, changed that, inspired my doubt and that doubt persists now in my early seventie
2. I checked in at the transplant clinic almost right away I plopped down in Exam room #1 and discussed my renal and overall health with PA Natasha Barauskas. She was happy with my labs -- gave them an A+ in fact, and asked me if I was ready to be released from the care of the Sacred Heart transplant team back to the care of Kootenai Health's Dr. Scott Bieber.
I didn't say so, but in one way I didn't want to be released, only because I've enjoyed every minute I've spent with the professionals and staff in the transplant program at Sacred Heart.
Despite my great experience at Sacred Heart, I told PA Barauskas that yes I was ready and that I thought Dr. Bieber was a great guy and I looked forward to working with him again.
From my perspective, this is a move that reflects positively on my progress since the transplant and the stability of my health right now.
I've made an appointment and I'll see Dr. Bieber on March 6th.
I'll continue to have labs done every two weeks.
I return to Sacred Heart on May 12 for my one year check up. My transplant was on May 11, 2024, so I'll have this checkup one year later almost to the day.
3. I didn't arrive home until after 5:00. I enjoyed a superb turkey sandwich at Great Harvest and read more of Columbine.
I then drove to CdA, stopping at the Huetter Rest Area for a brief nap, and picked up a lens at Camera Corral, got the Camry washed at Hippo, fueled up at Costco and then went inside and bought some groceries and supplies, picked up a bag of items at Trader Joe's, and stopped at the Lean Bean for a latte to drink on the trip back to Kellogg.
Back home, I did my Snuffles self-hugging and floating expression of deep pleasure again.
Debbie turned Sunday's chuck roast and noodles into a heavenly soup and at the end of this long wonderful day, it crowned my happiness and contentment that so much happened and that it was all good -- even Dave Cullen's book, which is painful, but written masterfully. It's a pleasure to read a book so carefully researched and clearly written.
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