Sibling Assignment #96: Funeral Planners

InlandEmpireGirl gave the most recent assignment and it zeroes in on the year our dad died. He died on June 1 and it was right about this time of the month of May that he found out he had terminal cancer and it was the 10th of May when I left Eugene, went to Kellogg, and did what I could to be of help. Here's the assignment:

1996 was a year filled with life-changing events in our lives, both joyous and sad. Write about an event of 1996 and why it was significant to you.

InlandEmpireGirl wrote about meeting JEJ, whom she would marry the following year, here.

Silver Valley Girl -- hmmm --- well I got an email from the family slacker today. She wrote the following:

I do need to get through the Renaissance Dinner that Paul, Zoe and I are potraying the King, Queen and Princess at tonight ( I hope to have pictures) and the NIC field trip with all the 8th graders tomorrow. Then Zoe has District Track on Friday and Saturday, and throw in Spamalot in Spokane Friday night, and Mother's day Dinner Saturday night.

I don't think she'll be getting this assignment done for a while, but I'll post its location when she does. OOPS! My mistake. She does have it finished. It's HERE.

Dad died shortly after noon on a Saturday. I can't remember what day his funeral was held, but I do remember when Burt Roberts, SVG's father-in-law, came over to the house to talk with Mom, my sisters, and me about putting the service together and what might happen.

Burt barely sat down and suddenly my sisters were talking about Frank Sinatra, Roger Whitaker, Sarah Vaughn, Dinah Washingon, Teresa Brewer, and other of Dad's favorite music to be playing on the church sound system while people walked in.

They had hymns picked.

They wanted me to contribute a eulogy.

They knew everything.

They knew that Dad's favorite patriotic song was "God Bless America" and they wanted the congregation to sing it to close the service.

My jaw dropped.

They knew everything.

As the oldest of us three kids, I often had a magnified sense of my importance and my need to take care of things. What's more, as Dad's oldest child and his only son, I thought I had special knowledge of my father.

But, in June of 1996, in my parents' living room, at the age of 42, all that feeling of special knowledge and heightened responsibility melted away.

As we planned the funeral, my sisters spoke from intimate knowledge of my father, had creative and dignified ideas for his service that would profoundly reflect my father's passions and what he loved most in life.

These weren't my little sisters anymore. I had always respected my sisters, but, for me, our relationship was transformed during that meeting with Burt Roberts in my parents' living room.

I realized a new bond with my sisters and it was a bond of love for my father, a love I didn't know we shared in the way it turns out we did, that filled me joy that day.

My transformed understanding of my sisters deepened my love for them. From my perspective, the way we related to each other, our enjoyment and respect for each other, and our trust of each other changed that day and over the years this transformation has manifested itself in many ways, not the least of which is giving each other writing assignments and having outings with each other.

As I read over the paragraph I just wrote, I realize that my sisters may have already felt the enjoyment and respect and trust for each other and for me that I describe as having deepened that day. I realize that I may have been a late bloomer in this regard. It's not that I didn't enjoy and love my sisters before this meeting. My point is that the funeral planning revealed depth and feeling and compassion in my sisters that I had been asleep to.

My dad's funeral not only woke me up, it marked the beginning of new life in our family.

Maybe this should have been my Easter piece. The themes of life coming from death are pretty vivid here.