Confession:
- “Bless me Father, for I have sinned, I have been
with a loose woman.”
- The Priest asks: Is that you Timmy Shaughnessy?
- “Yes Father, it is.”
- And who is the woman you were with?
- “I can’t be telling you, Father. I don’t want to
ruin her reputation.”
- Was it Brenda O’Malley?
- “I cannot say”
- Patricia Kelly?
- “I’ll never tell”
- Was it Sheilagh O’Brien?
- “I’m sorry but I cannot name her”
- Was it Kathleen Morgan?
- “My lips are sealed”
The Priest sighs in frustation. “You're a steadfast lad
Timmy and I admire that. But you have sinned, and
therefore you cannot attend Church Mass for three
months. Be off with you now.”
Timmy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides
over and asks “What did you get”?
- “Three months vacation and four good leads.”
7 comments:
Three years ago I found myself overseas on St. Patrick's Day. I wandered around the city that night, looking for anything that remotely resembled an appropriate celebration.
Late in the evening, on the north end of the city, I spied a cafe/bar with an impressive neon Guinness sign on top. I went inside and found an almost empty bar. I sat down at a stool and ordered a Guiness; St. Pat's Day complete.
The next night I returned and ordered a Guinness. They were out. (I didn't chide them about "Why do you have a big Guinness sign...; sorta like the Colonel being out of chicken.)
So, that St. Pat's Day, I drank Dakar, Senegal dry of Guinness.
Heck, that sounds like a hell of an interview technique
3rd try. Severe computer malfunction. Loved the joke... I think. Got a kick out of seeing my blog listed on your Silver Vein. I will try to figure out how to do a list, someday. Disappointed that I hadn't thought of "Sex in the Public Square" for a name. Too old and mind too slow anymore. Have to be proper, whatnot.
One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over ten years, saw a speck on a the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship." And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilites of a small boat and even a raft. Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure. Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop dead gorgeous blonde! The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me,how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?" "Ten Years," replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterporoof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a pack of fresh Cuban cigars. He takes one, lights it and takes a long drag. "Faith an begorrah, " said the man, "that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great smoke can be!" "And how long has it been since youv'e tasted the Power of a good Irish Whiskey? " asked the blonde. Trembling, the castaway replied "Ten Years." Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve, upzips a pocket and removes a flask and hands it o him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the gods!" stated the Irishman. "Tis truly fantastic!!" At this point the grogeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked "And how long has it been since you've played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his trembling knees and sobbed,
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't cha be tell'n me that you've got a set of golf clubs in there, too!"
Jbelle,
What a wonderful joke! I'm really lousy at remembering jokes and telling them....I treasure good jokes and am very grateful to you for writing this one out for my enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone who digs into my comments section. Thanks again.
rp
An Irishman moves into a tiny village in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.
An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more.
This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times.
Soon the entire town is whispering about the "Man Who Orders Three Beers."
Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers?"
"Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies, "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond."
The bartender and the whole town were pleased with this answer, and soon the "Man Who orders Three Beers" became a local celebrity and source of pride to the village, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink.
Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers.
The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening: he orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers.
The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know--the two beers and all...."
The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It's just that I, myself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent. "
I'm having a good laugh.
Thanks a lot!
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