1. I arrived at Mom's at 9:30. She was dressed and in her wheelchair. I sat with her as she tried to read Saturday's newspaper. She had trouble holding it and she wavered between being awake and asleep. I'm just documenting my experience, not complaining, when I say Mom didn't acknowledge my arrival and hardly spoke until she told me at 11:00 that she wanted to return to her bed. Two aides brought in the Hoyer Lift and transferred Mom. Mom has been anxious about these transfers when they have been performed by an aide having Mom hug her and stand up, but she was calm when the aides moved her with the machine.
Mom went to sleep instantly. I sat with her until 1:30, reading mostly. Mom slept serenely.
2. I returned to be with Mom at 4:00. Mom was sleeping. Christy told me that Mom had had a conversation with Tina, a family friend who is Carol's age, and they talked about a family Tina knows and Mom knew from the Peck-Gifford-Reubens area. At around 5:40, Nettie, an aide, brought in Mom's dinner and asked Mom if she wanted to sit up and eat. Mom said she did. Christy had put in order for cottage cheese and peaches rather than a regular dinner plate and Mom seemed much more pleased with this and ate her entire helping and drank most of a bottle of Ensure.
Mom talked with me in the way she does now since the vascular dementia has taken hold. She asked about whether different parts of the house were cleaned and asked me if she had watered the plants. She admired the silk flowers with lights in them that Amy and Tim brought for her earlier in the day. She wondered if Jody and Jack were coming. I told her they weren't, but that her niece, Judy, and Judy's daughter, Angie, would be arriving from Boise on Monday. We're all looking forward to visiting with them and it will be a real boost for Mom.
On my way back to Mom's, as I left Kindred, I had a good talk with Peny Benson who lives at Kindred. She told me about how hospice had helped her husband, Wayne (our junior high band teacher), die in a relaxed and peaceful way and how she held his hand and told him it was all right. We agreed that helping a loved one die is difficult. We also agreed that we know what we need to do to help our loved ones as they begin to leave us: be there. We squeezed hands and I left.
3. During the day, the Deke bought some flat iron steaks and corn on the cob and made potato salad. I returned from being with Mom and we went over to Christy and Everett's where I grilled the steaks and we enjoyed a great summer dinner together.
Monday, July 31, 2017
Sunday, July 30, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/29/17: Quiet Day, Family Dinner, Up the River and Back
1. It was another quiet day with Mom. Between the morning and the afternoon, I spent five hours in her company and she slept the entire time, either in her wheelchair or in bed. She declined offers in the morning to get dressed, but aides dressed her soon after my morning visit. She woke up a little bit when her next door neighbor, Jane, visited, but also nodded off while Jane told her about her plans for the day. I read a lot while keeping an eye on Mom. Again, today, I was grateful that Mom's slept peacefully, without agitation and, it appeared, without pain.
2. Christy fixed a delicious dinner: wilted lettuce salad, dressed cucumber slices, and stuffed zucchini. Carol, Paul, and Molly (and Sadie) came over to Christy and Everett's and we had a good time together over a family meal.
3. I went up the river to Sharon and Danny Waldo's with Ed for a short visit to a friend's wife's retirement party. I joined Jake, Carol, Ed, Wanda, Sharon, Danny, Al, and others sat in a circle around a roaring campfire and people told stories and wisecracked. I relaxed with the help of a margarita and soon was getting a little drowsy and Ed and I headed out.
Back at Christy and Everett's, the Deke and Christy were talking out back and I joined them briefly for a very small drink, but I was bushed and excused myself and went to bed.
2. Christy fixed a delicious dinner: wilted lettuce salad, dressed cucumber slices, and stuffed zucchini. Carol, Paul, and Molly (and Sadie) came over to Christy and Everett's and we had a good time together over a family meal.
3. I went up the river to Sharon and Danny Waldo's with Ed for a short visit to a friend's wife's retirement party. I joined Jake, Carol, Ed, Wanda, Sharon, Danny, Al, and others sat in a circle around a roaring campfire and people told stories and wisecracked. I relaxed with the help of a margarita and soon was getting a little drowsy and Ed and I headed out.
Back at Christy and Everett's, the Deke and Christy were talking out back and I joined them briefly for a very small drink, but I was bushed and excused myself and went to bed.
Saturday, July 29, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/28/17: Mom's Peaceful Sleep, Hospice Nurse Visits Mom, A Relaxing Afternoon
1. I spent two hours with Mom this morning, starting at 8:30. When I arrived, she was sitting in her wheelchair in her pajamas. I walked in and greeted Mom and she replied, "Well, hi Bill! How are things on the home front?" After I told her things were pretty good, she told me she wanted to lie down and Misty came in and helped her go back to bed.
Mom fell immediately asleep. For the first since I returned from Eugene, Mom fell into a peaceful sleep. She looked serene and was only a little bit fidgety and rarely twitched. We didn't exchange another word for the two hours I sat with her. I read articles online from The New Yorker and was very happy for Mom that she was having such a restful sleep.
2. Later in the day, Mom's hospice nurse examined Mom, in part to evaluate her levels of pain. She determined that Mom is experiencing a significant amount of pain. She made adjustments in her medicine with the hope that Mom might rest and sleep more comfortably. She also recommended that we tell people who want to see Mom to do so sooner than later while she is still with it enough to see them. We are not working here with a precise timeline, but with the direction Mom's condition is moving. It's declining.
3. The Deke and I drove to Coeur d'Alene for lunch and some shopping. We had delicious sandwiches and a short pour of beer at the Daft Badger. After lunch, the Deke shopped for yarn at Alpaca Direct and I bought some shirts at Kohl's. After a visit to another yarn shop (I did some reading at Starbucks), we had a superb time at Slate Creek Brewing. We drank half pints and had a great conversation with the twenty-something woman pouring our beer. We enjoyed her puppy and the young dogs a couple of other beer drinkers brought with them to the outdoors drinking area. We left Slate Creek and drove to Wallace for a couple of very enjoyable short pours of beer at City Limits Pub and Grill. We haven't been out for beers much, but we have both loved the North Idaho brews this summer, not only at the three places we visited today, but at Kellogg's Radio Brewing, too.
Once back to Kellogg, we relaxed in the refreshing evening air with Christy and Everett in their back yard and talked about all that happened today, especially with Mom.
Mom fell immediately asleep. For the first since I returned from Eugene, Mom fell into a peaceful sleep. She looked serene and was only a little bit fidgety and rarely twitched. We didn't exchange another word for the two hours I sat with her. I read articles online from The New Yorker and was very happy for Mom that she was having such a restful sleep.
2. Later in the day, Mom's hospice nurse examined Mom, in part to evaluate her levels of pain. She determined that Mom is experiencing a significant amount of pain. She made adjustments in her medicine with the hope that Mom might rest and sleep more comfortably. She also recommended that we tell people who want to see Mom to do so sooner than later while she is still with it enough to see them. We are not working here with a precise timeline, but with the direction Mom's condition is moving. It's declining.
3. The Deke and I drove to Coeur d'Alene for lunch and some shopping. We had delicious sandwiches and a short pour of beer at the Daft Badger. After lunch, the Deke shopped for yarn at Alpaca Direct and I bought some shirts at Kohl's. After a visit to another yarn shop (I did some reading at Starbucks), we had a superb time at Slate Creek Brewing. We drank half pints and had a great conversation with the twenty-something woman pouring our beer. We enjoyed her puppy and the young dogs a couple of other beer drinkers brought with them to the outdoors drinking area. We left Slate Creek and drove to Wallace for a couple of very enjoyable short pours of beer at City Limits Pub and Grill. We haven't been out for beers much, but we have both loved the North Idaho brews this summer, not only at the three places we visited today, but at Kellogg's Radio Brewing, too.
Once back to Kellogg, we relaxed in the refreshing evening air with Christy and Everett in their back yard and talked about all that happened today, especially with Mom.
Friday, July 28, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/27/17: Quiet Morning, Accordion and Tuba, Dinner and Mom's Odyssey
1. After yesterday's standoff, this morning was very quiet by the time I arrived to see Mom at 11:45. She was lying down. Yes, her body twitched from time to time and she uttered things I couldn't understand, but she seemed to be getting some rest and, when Paul arrived at 1:00, Mom and I hadn't had any conversation. I'm not sure she knew I was there.
2. I returned to see Mom at 3:00. Carol had texted me that she might be in the dining area listening to accordion music. Sure enough, when I arrived, Mom and Paul were in the back of the room listening to Tom and Anton, a tuba and accordion duo playing very enjoyable polka music and other tunes. When the music ended, I offered to wheel Mom outside and she agreed and we looked at flowers and sat for a twenty minutes or so in the shade of the covered patio. Mom wasn't very conversational, but at one point she began to wonder where her purse was and soon we went back inside to her room and her purse.
It was a quiet time for the next hour and a half or so. Mom was at ease. She talked with me from time to time about this and that, but nothing was troubling her. She wasn't agitated. In her private room, she has online access through her television and I tuned into the Pandora station called "Relaxing Classical". It's difficult to hear the music over the sounds of Mom's oxygen compressor churning away and the fan we have on all the time. I don't know if the music helped calm Mom, but I sure enjoyed hearing Satie, Bach, Chopin, Beethoven, Dvorak, and felt especially relaxed and moved when the main theme from the movie Cinema Paradiso came on. If you'd like, take a listen, here.
3. The Deke marinated pork chops and Christy grilled them. The Deke made a fresh and tasty salad and a remarkable rice dish. Christy, Everett, the Deke, and I enjoyed the meal outside at Christy and Everett's as the day's heat gave way to the refreshment of cool North Idaho evening air.
While we were eating, Carol texted me that Mom had decided on the spur of the moment to take a spin in her wheelchair out into the hallways of Kindred, propelling herself with her own feet, barely needing Carol's help in going forward. She powered herself all the way to the main sitting room and back to her room, interrupted only by Carol stopping her before she left her room to switch from the oxygen source in the room to the source on her wheelchair.
Our hope was that by completing this odyssey, Mom might have tired herself out, leading to a more restful night's sleep.
2. I returned to see Mom at 3:00. Carol had texted me that she might be in the dining area listening to accordion music. Sure enough, when I arrived, Mom and Paul were in the back of the room listening to Tom and Anton, a tuba and accordion duo playing very enjoyable polka music and other tunes. When the music ended, I offered to wheel Mom outside and she agreed and we looked at flowers and sat for a twenty minutes or so in the shade of the covered patio. Mom wasn't very conversational, but at one point she began to wonder where her purse was and soon we went back inside to her room and her purse.
It was a quiet time for the next hour and a half or so. Mom was at ease. She talked with me from time to time about this and that, but nothing was troubling her. She wasn't agitated. In her private room, she has online access through her television and I tuned into the Pandora station called "Relaxing Classical". It's difficult to hear the music over the sounds of Mom's oxygen compressor churning away and the fan we have on all the time. I don't know if the music helped calm Mom, but I sure enjoyed hearing Satie, Bach, Chopin, Beethoven, Dvorak, and felt especially relaxed and moved when the main theme from the movie Cinema Paradiso came on. If you'd like, take a listen, here.
3. The Deke marinated pork chops and Christy grilled them. The Deke made a fresh and tasty salad and a remarkable rice dish. Christy, Everett, the Deke, and I enjoyed the meal outside at Christy and Everett's as the day's heat gave way to the refreshment of cool North Idaho evening air.
While we were eating, Carol texted me that Mom had decided on the spur of the moment to take a spin in her wheelchair out into the hallways of Kindred, propelling herself with her own feet, barely needing Carol's help in going forward. She powered herself all the way to the main sitting room and back to her room, interrupted only by Carol stopping her before she left her room to switch from the oxygen source in the room to the source on her wheelchair.
Our hope was that by completing this odyssey, Mom might have tired herself out, leading to a more restful night's sleep.
Thursday, July 27, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/26/17: Standoff with Mom, An Easier Afternoon, Radio Brewing and Rebel Yell Rye
1. I sauntered over to Mom's room at 10:30 this morning with her laundry and she and Carol continued their visit while I hung up Mom's shirts and pants. Mom was in her wheelchair and was wide awake. I sat near her so we could talk and Mom had one thing on her mind.
She wanted to go home.
She was ready to be wheeled home. She was ready to get in the car for a ride home. She was ready to walk home. She wanted to go home.
Each time I told her we were staying put, she asked me why and with each short answer I gave her she repeatedly repeated herself: why, why, why, why, why.
None of my answers satisfied Mom. Her frustration reached a peak when she said, "Bill, somebody ought to just punch you in the jaw!"
Mom has always been strong-willed and this morning she was not only strong-willed, she was iron-willed and disgusted that she wasn't getting her way.
The only thing I could think to do was wheel Mom out of her room, thinking maybe it would help settle down her agitation. We wheeled by Peny's room -- Mom's known Peny for over fifty years -- and I stopped, thinking Mom might want to say hello, but Mom paddled her feet on the floor to get the wheelchair moving.
She wanted out.
We came to a juncture in the hallway where, if we continued to go straight, we could go out a door into a garden and patio area. Mom had been out there earlier with Carol and I thought she might enjoy it again.
No.
Way.
Mom didn't say anything, but as I tried to head down that hall, she dug her shoes into the linoleum, making it impossible to move the wheelchair.
She wanted out, out the front door.
We went out the front door. Mom wanted to know where we were parked and was surprised that the car wasn't at Kindred.
I wheeled Mom toward Cameron Avenue to the end of the sidewalk on the edge of the parking lot.
I turned her wheelchair around started to head back to the front entrance and Mom dug her shoes into the sidewalk.
We were in the sun and the cool of the morning was giving way to the day's heat. We were about six feet from the shade of a tree and when I suggested we move into the shade, Mom dug her shoes into the sidewalk.
The message was clear: if we weren't going home, we weren't going anywhere.
I submitted to our standoff. I stood and Mom sat, silent, a silence broken once when Mom told me she was going to walk home and started to rise up out of her wheelchair.
"You can't walk home, Mom."
"Yes I can!"
"No, Mom, you can't."
"Why not?"
"Your legs don't work."
"Oh."
A friend of Peny's got out of her car and talked for a minute with Mom.
MaryRuth, the facility's administrator, came out the side door on her way to her vehicle and saw me, no doubt looking helpless, and saw Mom, looking grim, and called out, "You okay?" I replied that I thought we were and thanked her for asking.
Soon, Dan Figueroa, a teammate from Little League, and his wife, Peggy, climbed out their rig. Dan stopped to visit and asked Mom how she was doing, "I'm doing fine, except for this lout!", pointing back at me with her thumb. Dan chuckled. A wan smile crossed my face.
Still sitting in the sun, Mom listened as Dan and I talked for a while. Dan headed into the facility.
Mom signalled to me that she was ready to go back in.
The standoff ended.
Back in her room, Mom said she wanted to lie down, but Vanessa, an aide, talked with Mom about staying in her chair until lunch was served and Mom agreed to that.
Mom returned to subjects she asks about repeatedly: is the bedroom picked up? how's the kitchen? is the bathroom clean? where's my purse? do you know where my keys are? I was happy that Mom seemed to have forgotten that I was a lout. I assured her that the bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom were in good shape and watched as she looked in her empty purse for keys and other things.
At 12:20, Paul arrived and I went over to Mom's house, talked with the Deke, fixed myself an egg quesadilla, and lay down on the couch to rest up for my return to see Mom at 1:30.
2. As I expected, when I returned to be with Mom, she was lying down. Paul gave me an update, telling me that the last hour had been uneventful.
Had Mom fallen into a serene sleep, I would have left, trusting she'd be all right.
But, she didn't. She twitched. She pulled at her shirt and pants. Three different times she pulled her oxygen out. But, the twitching today wasn't as pronounced as it was on Tuesday. A nurse checked on her as did a few aides and asked me how she was doing. I sat close to Mom's bed and read from magazines I'd brought over.
After a couple of hours of lying down, Mom needed to go to the bathroom and an aide who recently got married came in and surreptitiously showed Mom wedding pictures on her cell phone before taking her to the toilet.
I sat with Mom until Paul and Carol arrived at 5:30. Mom's late morning agitation had melted away and we conversed aimlessly as Mom articulated whatever random thoughts or memories or questions popped in her mind and I did my best to keep up.
Mom returned to an idea -- maybe it's a concern -- that recurs. She wonders who owns the house she's staying in and wants to know why the new owners haven't come by to show her around and to tell her how things work at this house. She knows that if she paid as much money for a house as these new owners must have, that she'd make sure everyone in the house knew all about the house.
It makes sense.
3. I returned to Mom's and the Deke and I piled into the Malibu and rocketed uptown so I could introduce her to Radio Brewing, the new brewery in town. We shared a flight of six short glasses of beer and agreed that we each wanted a 10 oz pour of the IPA and enjoyed it so much we had a second. We were both very happy to know that we could enjoy such a fine tasting beer in such a handsome taproom in uptown Kellogg.
After our trip to Radio Brewing, we joined Christy and Everett, who had been to Spokane to visit Everett's daughter who is very ill (and doing better) at Sacred Heart Medical Center, for a chicken and salad dinner the Deke prepared and we dove into some very tasty Rebel Yell Rye Whiskey and talked late into the cool and refreshing Kellogg night.
She wanted to go home.
She was ready to be wheeled home. She was ready to get in the car for a ride home. She was ready to walk home. She wanted to go home.
Each time I told her we were staying put, she asked me why and with each short answer I gave her she repeatedly repeated herself: why, why, why, why, why.
None of my answers satisfied Mom. Her frustration reached a peak when she said, "Bill, somebody ought to just punch you in the jaw!"
Mom has always been strong-willed and this morning she was not only strong-willed, she was iron-willed and disgusted that she wasn't getting her way.
The only thing I could think to do was wheel Mom out of her room, thinking maybe it would help settle down her agitation. We wheeled by Peny's room -- Mom's known Peny for over fifty years -- and I stopped, thinking Mom might want to say hello, but Mom paddled her feet on the floor to get the wheelchair moving.
She wanted out.
We came to a juncture in the hallway where, if we continued to go straight, we could go out a door into a garden and patio area. Mom had been out there earlier with Carol and I thought she might enjoy it again.
No.
Way.
Mom didn't say anything, but as I tried to head down that hall, she dug her shoes into the linoleum, making it impossible to move the wheelchair.
She wanted out, out the front door.
We went out the front door. Mom wanted to know where we were parked and was surprised that the car wasn't at Kindred.
I wheeled Mom toward Cameron Avenue to the end of the sidewalk on the edge of the parking lot.
I turned her wheelchair around started to head back to the front entrance and Mom dug her shoes into the sidewalk.
We were in the sun and the cool of the morning was giving way to the day's heat. We were about six feet from the shade of a tree and when I suggested we move into the shade, Mom dug her shoes into the sidewalk.
The message was clear: if we weren't going home, we weren't going anywhere.
I submitted to our standoff. I stood and Mom sat, silent, a silence broken once when Mom told me she was going to walk home and started to rise up out of her wheelchair.
"You can't walk home, Mom."
"Yes I can!"
"No, Mom, you can't."
"Why not?"
"Your legs don't work."
"Oh."
A friend of Peny's got out of her car and talked for a minute with Mom.
MaryRuth, the facility's administrator, came out the side door on her way to her vehicle and saw me, no doubt looking helpless, and saw Mom, looking grim, and called out, "You okay?" I replied that I thought we were and thanked her for asking.
Soon, Dan Figueroa, a teammate from Little League, and his wife, Peggy, climbed out their rig. Dan stopped to visit and asked Mom how she was doing, "I'm doing fine, except for this lout!", pointing back at me with her thumb. Dan chuckled. A wan smile crossed my face.
Still sitting in the sun, Mom listened as Dan and I talked for a while. Dan headed into the facility.
Mom signalled to me that she was ready to go back in.
The standoff ended.
Back in her room, Mom said she wanted to lie down, but Vanessa, an aide, talked with Mom about staying in her chair until lunch was served and Mom agreed to that.
Mom returned to subjects she asks about repeatedly: is the bedroom picked up? how's the kitchen? is the bathroom clean? where's my purse? do you know where my keys are? I was happy that Mom seemed to have forgotten that I was a lout. I assured her that the bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom were in good shape and watched as she looked in her empty purse for keys and other things.
At 12:20, Paul arrived and I went over to Mom's house, talked with the Deke, fixed myself an egg quesadilla, and lay down on the couch to rest up for my return to see Mom at 1:30.
2. As I expected, when I returned to be with Mom, she was lying down. Paul gave me an update, telling me that the last hour had been uneventful.
Had Mom fallen into a serene sleep, I would have left, trusting she'd be all right.
But, she didn't. She twitched. She pulled at her shirt and pants. Three different times she pulled her oxygen out. But, the twitching today wasn't as pronounced as it was on Tuesday. A nurse checked on her as did a few aides and asked me how she was doing. I sat close to Mom's bed and read from magazines I'd brought over.
After a couple of hours of lying down, Mom needed to go to the bathroom and an aide who recently got married came in and surreptitiously showed Mom wedding pictures on her cell phone before taking her to the toilet.
I sat with Mom until Paul and Carol arrived at 5:30. Mom's late morning agitation had melted away and we conversed aimlessly as Mom articulated whatever random thoughts or memories or questions popped in her mind and I did my best to keep up.
Mom returned to an idea -- maybe it's a concern -- that recurs. She wonders who owns the house she's staying in and wants to know why the new owners haven't come by to show her around and to tell her how things work at this house. She knows that if she paid as much money for a house as these new owners must have, that she'd make sure everyone in the house knew all about the house.
It makes sense.
3. I returned to Mom's and the Deke and I piled into the Malibu and rocketed uptown so I could introduce her to Radio Brewing, the new brewery in town. We shared a flight of six short glasses of beer and agreed that we each wanted a 10 oz pour of the IPA and enjoyed it so much we had a second. We were both very happy to know that we could enjoy such a fine tasting beer in such a handsome taproom in uptown Kellogg.
After our trip to Radio Brewing, we joined Christy and Everett, who had been to Spokane to visit Everett's daughter who is very ill (and doing better) at Sacred Heart Medical Center, for a chicken and salad dinner the Deke prepared and we dove into some very tasty Rebel Yell Rye Whiskey and talked late into the cool and refreshing Kellogg night.
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/25/17: Mom's Morning, Mom's Tough Afternoon, Dinner Outside and an Emergency
1. I had planned on getting a couple more chores done around Mom's house and cleaning myself up a little better when a text message came in from Christy at about 11:00 telling me that Mom was sitting up in bed and alert, so I dropped everything and went over to Kindred.
Not having seen Mom for ten days, but having read my sisters' updates, Mom was pretty much in the shape I expected. Conversation with Mom didn't have a lot of continuity and she was preoccupied with things like "where's my purse?", "is the bedroom cleaned up?", "how is the bathroom looking?", and with people in her past.
Mom is living in something like eternal time where the divisions of past, present, and future no longer exist. In fact, for Mom, at least today, some of the dead are alive.
For the first time, Mom asked about her mother and she wondered (I think) what time her mother was getting out of the movies and wondered where she was. Christy told Mom that her mother was at home and Mom's face relaxed, "That's a good place for her."
Later, Mom talked about Jack and Jodi Robinson as if Jack were still alive. When I told her a little bit about going to Eugene, she wondered if the Deke and I stayed with Jack and Jodi -- who, by the way, never lived in Eugene. Later, she wondered where Jack was working now -- Jack died several years ago -- and I said I thought he was working in the mine, but that today he had the day off. Mom thought that sounded about right.
A little later, having been helped into her wheelchair, Mom wanted her purse and then she wanted some cream for her face. While she applied the cream, very precisely and carefully, I found Mom's make-up bag and she lit up. She carefully inspected it and got out some lipstick and put it on, again, very precisely, without the help of a mirror.
Mom showed a little more interest in lunch than I thought she would. She didn't eat a lot, but she didn't turn the food away either and seemed to enjoy the meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green peas, and apple crisp she did eat. The apple crisp reminded the Deke of a day a year ago when she and Mom teamed up to bake a raspberry crisp. ("Wow!" I thought. "That's right. Just a short year ago, yes, Mom was confined to her walker, but she was doing some things and was mobile. It can all go downhill so fast.") Mom agreed with the Deke that there was no way Kindred's apple crisp would be as good.
2. The first sign that Mom might have a tough afternoon, after having a pretty good morning, was when she wanted to be moved back onto her bed from her wheelchair. The transfer scared her and even in the expert grip of the aide, she dropped herself on the bed before the aide was ready, nearly pulling the aide on top of her. No harm was done, but my sisters had told me that Mom has become more and more frightened about being transferred and about being helped onto the toilet, and I saw what they meant.
Before I went to Eugene, if Mom lay down on her bed, most times she would fall into a deep sleep and I could slip out, return to her house, and come back over periodically to make sure she was doing all right.
Today, though, when she lay down, her eyes were wide open and she looked afraid. Right away I surmised that this would not be a peaceful afternoon for Mom.
I was right.
All afternoon, Mom's upper body and legs would twitch or shudder as she seemed to be falling asleep, snapping her awake. Sometimes these tremors bordered on thrashing and I worried that she might fall off the bed, even though the bed has protective means to help her stay in it.
Mom often moved her mouth as if talking, but spoke no words. At other times, she called out questions, often alarmed. For example, she cried to me, "What's that white thing?" I didn't know what she meant at first and she pointed upward. I reassured her, "It's all right, Mom. That's the light above your bed." Mom mimed different things, like eating, and she also was seeing things in front of her that I didn't see, snatching at them, sometimes grabbing them and moving them or asking me to take on of these imaginary things from her.
Mom often seemed to fall asleep and then the twitching resumed and Mom asked me questions about the boys in the next room or if she could sleep in the other room or what was on the wall by her bed. At one point, Mom's body relaxed, a smile crossed her face, and she said, "This is a pretty nice house." I agreed with her, "Yes. This is a very nice house." She replied, "It sure is. It's a pretty nice house."
I sat with Mom for the afternoon. Sometimes she liked me to hold her hand or to caress her arm; other times, she indicated otherwise and I pulled back.
I didn't think Mom ever rested. I might be wrong, but that's how it seemed to me.
Mom had no interest in dinner. When one of the aides came to pick up her untouched tray around 6:15, I asked if she thought Mom's position on the bed was too close to the edge. She called out to a more experienced aide who decided that this would be a good time to put Mom in her pajamas, reposition her, and put her to bed for the night.
I thanked the aides and left Mom in their sure hands. Carol was going to be coming by soon to see Mom when she finished her work shift. This was a relief and a comfort to me.
3. The Deke baked chicken thighs and small potatoes and made a tasty blend of summer squash and tomatoes and, after a cocktail or two on Christy and Everett's back deck, we enjoyed this splendid meal. Later in the evening, Christy came over to Mom's house to report that Everett's daughter is having a medical emergency in Spokane and that she and Everett would be going to see her on Wednesday. The Deke and I gave Christy our full support, knowing she was not only upset that Everett's daughter is so ill, but knowing she felt torn about leaving and not being able to spend time with Mom. I immediately texted Carol about what was happening and she and Paul were able to volunteer more time than originally planned with Mom and so we have the day covered.
Not having seen Mom for ten days, but having read my sisters' updates, Mom was pretty much in the shape I expected. Conversation with Mom didn't have a lot of continuity and she was preoccupied with things like "where's my purse?", "is the bedroom cleaned up?", "how is the bathroom looking?", and with people in her past.
Mom is living in something like eternal time where the divisions of past, present, and future no longer exist. In fact, for Mom, at least today, some of the dead are alive.
For the first time, Mom asked about her mother and she wondered (I think) what time her mother was getting out of the movies and wondered where she was. Christy told Mom that her mother was at home and Mom's face relaxed, "That's a good place for her."
Later, Mom talked about Jack and Jodi Robinson as if Jack were still alive. When I told her a little bit about going to Eugene, she wondered if the Deke and I stayed with Jack and Jodi -- who, by the way, never lived in Eugene. Later, she wondered where Jack was working now -- Jack died several years ago -- and I said I thought he was working in the mine, but that today he had the day off. Mom thought that sounded about right.
A little later, having been helped into her wheelchair, Mom wanted her purse and then she wanted some cream for her face. While she applied the cream, very precisely and carefully, I found Mom's make-up bag and she lit up. She carefully inspected it and got out some lipstick and put it on, again, very precisely, without the help of a mirror.
Mom showed a little more interest in lunch than I thought she would. She didn't eat a lot, but she didn't turn the food away either and seemed to enjoy the meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green peas, and apple crisp she did eat. The apple crisp reminded the Deke of a day a year ago when she and Mom teamed up to bake a raspberry crisp. ("Wow!" I thought. "That's right. Just a short year ago, yes, Mom was confined to her walker, but she was doing some things and was mobile. It can all go downhill so fast.") Mom agreed with the Deke that there was no way Kindred's apple crisp would be as good.
2. The first sign that Mom might have a tough afternoon, after having a pretty good morning, was when she wanted to be moved back onto her bed from her wheelchair. The transfer scared her and even in the expert grip of the aide, she dropped herself on the bed before the aide was ready, nearly pulling the aide on top of her. No harm was done, but my sisters had told me that Mom has become more and more frightened about being transferred and about being helped onto the toilet, and I saw what they meant.
Before I went to Eugene, if Mom lay down on her bed, most times she would fall into a deep sleep and I could slip out, return to her house, and come back over periodically to make sure she was doing all right.
Today, though, when she lay down, her eyes were wide open and she looked afraid. Right away I surmised that this would not be a peaceful afternoon for Mom.
I was right.
All afternoon, Mom's upper body and legs would twitch or shudder as she seemed to be falling asleep, snapping her awake. Sometimes these tremors bordered on thrashing and I worried that she might fall off the bed, even though the bed has protective means to help her stay in it.
Mom often moved her mouth as if talking, but spoke no words. At other times, she called out questions, often alarmed. For example, she cried to me, "What's that white thing?" I didn't know what she meant at first and she pointed upward. I reassured her, "It's all right, Mom. That's the light above your bed." Mom mimed different things, like eating, and she also was seeing things in front of her that I didn't see, snatching at them, sometimes grabbing them and moving them or asking me to take on of these imaginary things from her.
Mom often seemed to fall asleep and then the twitching resumed and Mom asked me questions about the boys in the next room or if she could sleep in the other room or what was on the wall by her bed. At one point, Mom's body relaxed, a smile crossed her face, and she said, "This is a pretty nice house." I agreed with her, "Yes. This is a very nice house." She replied, "It sure is. It's a pretty nice house."
I sat with Mom for the afternoon. Sometimes she liked me to hold her hand or to caress her arm; other times, she indicated otherwise and I pulled back.
I didn't think Mom ever rested. I might be wrong, but that's how it seemed to me.
Mom had no interest in dinner. When one of the aides came to pick up her untouched tray around 6:15, I asked if she thought Mom's position on the bed was too close to the edge. She called out to a more experienced aide who decided that this would be a good time to put Mom in her pajamas, reposition her, and put her to bed for the night.
I thanked the aides and left Mom in their sure hands. Carol was going to be coming by soon to see Mom when she finished her work shift. This was a relief and a comfort to me.
3. The Deke baked chicken thighs and small potatoes and made a tasty blend of summer squash and tomatoes and, after a cocktail or two on Christy and Everett's back deck, we enjoyed this splendid meal. Later in the evening, Christy came over to Mom's house to report that Everett's daughter is having a medical emergency in Spokane and that she and Everett would be going to see her on Wednesday. The Deke and I gave Christy our full support, knowing she was not only upset that Everett's daughter is so ill, but knowing she felt torn about leaving and not being able to spend time with Mom. I immediately texted Carol about what was happening and she and Paul were able to volunteer more time than originally planned with Mom and so we have the day covered.
Tuesday, July 25, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/24/17: Goodbye to Eugene and Molly, Easy Drive, Christy and Everett's Back Yard
1. The Deke and I left the condo we rented for the last week and headed to Lindsey's to drop off her bag, find out more about her short stay in Eugene, and to say good-bye. We roared out of Eugene after a visit packed with seeing friends and visiting some of our favorite haunts. The Babes with Axes show was the peak experience and on the nine and a half hour drive to Kellogg, songs from Saturday night played over and over in my head.
If you go here and scroll down on T. R.'s Facebook page, you'll find pictures from the show and keep scrolling and you'll find a video recording of the second half of the show -- the recording documented the intermission -- you might want to skip that -- and I don't know what happened to the show's first half -- oh, well....
2. Our drive from Eugene to Kellogg was uneventful, smooth -- my favorite kind of drive.
3. Upon our return, we joined Christy and Everett in their back yard for drinks and dinner and got caught up on news about Mom. Mom has been having rough, distressed days, occasionally interrupted by periods of peace and clarity. I'll write more about Mom when I resume my own visits.
If you go here and scroll down on T. R.'s Facebook page, you'll find pictures from the show and keep scrolling and you'll find a video recording of the second half of the show -- the recording documented the intermission -- you might want to skip that -- and I don't know what happened to the show's first half -- oh, well....
2. Our drive from Eugene to Kellogg was uneventful, smooth -- my favorite kind of drive.
3. Upon our return, we joined Christy and Everett in their back yard for drinks and dinner and got caught up on news about Mom. Mom has been having rough, distressed days, occasionally interrupted by periods of peace and clarity. I'll write more about Mom when I resume my own visits.
Monday, July 24, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/23/17: Bagels, Oakshire with the Turners, A Quick Eugene Tour
1. The Deke and Molly and I were up until about 3 a.m. after the Babes with Axes show. I was dragging this morning, but a stroll down to Bagel Sphere to bring a couple of bagels back to the condo helped.
2. I drove the Deke out to Laura's and Babes with Axes split their earnings and talked about things. I didn't hang around because Terry and Nancy Turner were in town and, along with Katie and her two girls, we got together for about an hour and a half at the Oakshire pub.
3. I picked up the Deke back at Laura's and we drove out to the building where she used to teach and went by the new Roosevelt Middle School. We had some food at High Street and a made one more stop at Cornucopia and returned to our rental where we both immediately fell asleep.
2. I drove the Deke out to Laura's and Babes with Axes split their earnings and talked about things. I didn't hang around because Terry and Nancy Turner were in town and, along with Katie and her two girls, we got together for about an hour and a half at the Oakshire pub.
3. I picked up the Deke back at Laura's and we drove out to the building where she used to teach and went by the new Roosevelt Middle School. We had some food at High Street and a made one more stop at Cornucopia and returned to our rental where we both immediately fell asleep.
Sunday, July 23, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/22/17: Show Preparations, Reunion with Jane Hansen, Elation at the WOW Hall
1. Coffee and bagel at Theo's. Dropped off the Deke at the spa. Took a nostalgic automobile tour of Eugene. Picked up the Deke and we went to the Falling Sky deli and split a glorious Beef Brisket Pastrami sandwich, Reubenized. A quick trip to Fred Meyer and back to the condo for a nap -- all this in preparation for tonight's Babes with Axes show.
2. I met Jane Hansen, whom I have known since our days at North Idaho College back in 1972-74, at her room down at the Inn at Fifth Street and we started to get caught up before strolling over to Pure for a bento box and a variety of fresh, tasty sushi. Jane and I had so much to talk about and continued our conversation as we walked to the WOW Hall to experience tonight's Babes with Axes show.
3. The Babes of Axes show enthralled the joyful crowd at the WOW Hall. I was in a state of ecstasy throughout the show, not only savoring the Babes with Axes' splendid writing, stunning versatility, tight and gorgeous harmonies, and invigorating musicianship, but also letting their songs transport me to memories of performances I loved in the past, beginning with having been at their first concert in late 1993, nearly four years before the Deke and I started spending time together and married each other. I remembered being many times at the WOW Hall -- they performed an especially memorable show about a month into my recovery from bacterial meningitis in 1999. I remembered the April 15th, 1998 Babes with Taxes show at Sam Bond's; I time traveled to the Wild Duck, the Willamette Folk Festival, a park in NW Portland, Petersen Barn, Westmoreland Park, the Rainy Day Cafe, the Corvallis Folk Festival and elsewhere.
Over the years, their songs have taken residence somewhere deep inside me. They hibernate. On nights like tonight those songs and the feelings and memories associated with them awaken. I move into a realm of joy where I feel everything more deeply, a realm unique to hearing the Babes with Axes perform.
The experience I had at this show within myself was deepened by experiencing the collective joy in the WOW Hall. It's nearly spiritual the way the Babes with Axes bring so much happiness to a room -- as the hall emptied, not only were people beaming, they were embracing one another, gathering in knots of excitement, relishing tonight's show.
Jane Hansen and I walked back to Fifth Street together and had a quiet drink at Le Bar.
I strolled though the swell of revelers partying on Broadway in downtown Eugene. They were throbbing with ecstasy and desire in a world of booze and drugs and loud music in a sphere quite apart from the vitality I was experiencing having spent time with Jane and having spent the evening elated by tonight's Babes with Axes show.
And, then, back at the condo, Molly had arrived and Patrick was there. Thanks to a flight cancellation earlier in the day, Molly missed the show, a huge disappointment, but her dismay seemed offset by being back in Eugene with her brother and parents, anticipating a few days of vacation hanging out and seeing some great friends back in her hometown.
2. I met Jane Hansen, whom I have known since our days at North Idaho College back in 1972-74, at her room down at the Inn at Fifth Street and we started to get caught up before strolling over to Pure for a bento box and a variety of fresh, tasty sushi. Jane and I had so much to talk about and continued our conversation as we walked to the WOW Hall to experience tonight's Babes with Axes show.
3. The Babes of Axes show enthralled the joyful crowd at the WOW Hall. I was in a state of ecstasy throughout the show, not only savoring the Babes with Axes' splendid writing, stunning versatility, tight and gorgeous harmonies, and invigorating musicianship, but also letting their songs transport me to memories of performances I loved in the past, beginning with having been at their first concert in late 1993, nearly four years before the Deke and I started spending time together and married each other. I remembered being many times at the WOW Hall -- they performed an especially memorable show about a month into my recovery from bacterial meningitis in 1999. I remembered the April 15th, 1998 Babes with Taxes show at Sam Bond's; I time traveled to the Wild Duck, the Willamette Folk Festival, a park in NW Portland, Petersen Barn, Westmoreland Park, the Rainy Day Cafe, the Corvallis Folk Festival and elsewhere.
Over the years, their songs have taken residence somewhere deep inside me. They hibernate. On nights like tonight those songs and the feelings and memories associated with them awaken. I move into a realm of joy where I feel everything more deeply, a realm unique to hearing the Babes with Axes perform.
The experience I had at this show within myself was deepened by experiencing the collective joy in the WOW Hall. It's nearly spiritual the way the Babes with Axes bring so much happiness to a room -- as the hall emptied, not only were people beaming, they were embracing one another, gathering in knots of excitement, relishing tonight's show.
Jane Hansen and I walked back to Fifth Street together and had a quiet drink at Le Bar.
I strolled though the swell of revelers partying on Broadway in downtown Eugene. They were throbbing with ecstasy and desire in a world of booze and drugs and loud music in a sphere quite apart from the vitality I was experiencing having spent time with Jane and having spent the evening elated by tonight's Babes with Axes show.
And, then, back at the condo, Molly had arrived and Patrick was there. Thanks to a flight cancellation earlier in the day, Molly missed the show, a huge disappointment, but her dismay seemed offset by being back in Eugene with her brother and parents, anticipating a few days of vacation hanging out and seeing some great friends back in her hometown.
Saturday, July 22, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/21/17: Shopping for the Show, Listen to the Babes with Axes (LINKS!), Winding Down
Babes with Axes KRVM interview: here
Babes with Axes July 22nd show live-streaming, starting at 7:50 for the 8:00 show: here
1. I ran errands this morning for the Babes with Axes. Since what I purchased is all pretty much a part of the Babes with Axes' longstanding commitment to having a contest and giving out prizes, I won't reveal any details of what I was shopping for.
2. When I was done shopping, I stopped in at Falling Sky's brewery and eatery just off E. 13th Avenue in the Oak Alley and enjoyed a salad and a bowl of cream of mushroom soup and a pint of their Another IPA.
I walked back to the condo we are renting this week to rest and at 4:30, I tuned into KRVM-FM for the radio interview with the Babes with Axes. Tears flowed as I listened to them perform on the radio as I was transported back to the Deke's and my early days together and how central the Deke's music, the Babes with Axes' music, and their many performances were to life back then.
If you'd like to listen to the interview and hear "Blackberry Vine", "Shades of Gray", and "Steal My Key", click here and click on the play icon.
On Saturday, July 22nd, at 8:00 p.m., if you are unable to be at WOW Hall for the Babes with Axes show, the plan is to live-stream it. That means you can go here at watch and listen. Here is what TR Kelley says on her Facebook page:
"The Babes with Axes WOW Hall show will be live-streamed on TR Kelley's page starting at 7:50 Pacific Time. It will be set to public, do not have to friend TR to see the show."
3. The Deke and I returned to Cornucopia after some time in Laura's back yard winding down with the band. We grabbed a table outside out back and enjoyed the refreshing cool air and I enjoyed talking with the Deke and sipping some Whippersnapper whiskey.
Babes with Axes July 22nd show live-streaming, starting at 7:50 for the 8:00 show: here
1. I ran errands this morning for the Babes with Axes. Since what I purchased is all pretty much a part of the Babes with Axes' longstanding commitment to having a contest and giving out prizes, I won't reveal any details of what I was shopping for.
2. When I was done shopping, I stopped in at Falling Sky's brewery and eatery just off E. 13th Avenue in the Oak Alley and enjoyed a salad and a bowl of cream of mushroom soup and a pint of their Another IPA.
I walked back to the condo we are renting this week to rest and at 4:30, I tuned into KRVM-FM for the radio interview with the Babes with Axes. Tears flowed as I listened to them perform on the radio as I was transported back to the Deke's and my early days together and how central the Deke's music, the Babes with Axes' music, and their many performances were to life back then.
If you'd like to listen to the interview and hear "Blackberry Vine", "Shades of Gray", and "Steal My Key", click here and click on the play icon.
On Saturday, July 22nd, at 8:00 p.m., if you are unable to be at WOW Hall for the Babes with Axes show, the plan is to live-stream it. That means you can go here at watch and listen. Here is what TR Kelley says on her Facebook page:
"The Babes with Axes WOW Hall show will be live-streamed on TR Kelley's page starting at 7:50 Pacific Time. It will be set to public, do not have to friend TR to see the show."
3. The Deke and I returned to Cornucopia after some time in Laura's back yard winding down with the band. We grabbed a table outside out back and enjoyed the refreshing cool air and I enjoyed talking with the Deke and sipping some Whippersnapper whiskey.
Friday, July 21, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/20/17: Linda at Turtles, Surprises at 16 Tons, Bliss at Billy Mac's and Cornucopia
1. We could have sat at Turtles and talked with each other all day. Linda and I had a great time discussing our families, golfing, life at LCC, and the past year and the year that lies ahead for all the Oregon Ducks squads we care about. Well, we didn't talk all day. We got in a good ninety minutes, though, and it was really fun.
2. Later, I headed over to 16 Tons, wondering if the guys I used to drink beers with at 3:00 on Thursday were getting together today. They weren't. I drank a couple 4 oz. pours of Worthy Brewing's Imperial IPA and pondered a little bit on the meaning of life and, as I got ready to settle my bill, Jay and Sherri were at the counter. I ordered another 4 ouncer and returned to my table with Jay and Sherri and we had a good time talking until I left to go to Billy Mac's.
3. Billy Mac's was awesome: Kathleen, Lynn, Pam, Michael, the Deke, and I sat at a table together and enjoyed superb conversation about everything from family challenges to life in Washington, D. C. and many things in between. I loved ordering the Thursday night special, ahi tacos with five buck margaritas. I didn't want the evening to end. We'll see Lynn and Pam and Michael again on Saturday at the Babes with Axes show -- Kathleen will be flying to England and Ireland. I swear, if I had a ton of money stacked up in my life, I'd fly from Baltimore to Eugene a couple times a month just to return to being a part of the Billy Mac's Thursday evening get together. I love it. I miss it.
The Deke and I also miss our third spot where we put everything on the table and worked to figure out our lives back in 2013-14: Cornucopia on 17th and Lincoln. It was the Deke's go to spot for some afternoon solitude and grading papers. It was her go to spot for getting together for a glass of wine and some gabbing with her teaching partner -- and other fellow teachers. It was where the Deke and I often went to talk.
So, after Billy Mac's, we dropped in and Debbie ordered her usual, a glass of boxed red wine, and I ordered some Whippersnapper whiskey and we not only enjoyed our time with each other, but we got to have some great conversation with Star Kelley who has worked at Cornucopia for many years and whom we have known since she was a youngster and used to hang out at our house. We had a superb visit, talking a lot about dogs we've cared for recently who were not our own. We also were heartily greeted by the floor manager, Cam, who was always great to us at Cornucopia and was enthused to see us back again.
It was a splendid party.
Sidebar: my cup was really running over this evening. Kellogg High School Class of '72 member and my friend since boyhood, Terry Turner, was in town. He was down in the Whiteaker neighborhood, sampling cider and distilled beverages at a couple of places, but, by the time I was done at Billy Mac's and Cornucopia, Terry was back to his daughter's home, helping his grandchildren get ready for bed and fulfilling other grandfatherly duties.
It was good to know he was around, though, and that with a little good luck we might have thrown back a flight of whiskey or something together -- but it wasn't in the cards, most understandably.
2. Later, I headed over to 16 Tons, wondering if the guys I used to drink beers with at 3:00 on Thursday were getting together today. They weren't. I drank a couple 4 oz. pours of Worthy Brewing's Imperial IPA and pondered a little bit on the meaning of life and, as I got ready to settle my bill, Jay and Sherri were at the counter. I ordered another 4 ouncer and returned to my table with Jay and Sherri and we had a good time talking until I left to go to Billy Mac's.
3. Billy Mac's was awesome: Kathleen, Lynn, Pam, Michael, the Deke, and I sat at a table together and enjoyed superb conversation about everything from family challenges to life in Washington, D. C. and many things in between. I loved ordering the Thursday night special, ahi tacos with five buck margaritas. I didn't want the evening to end. We'll see Lynn and Pam and Michael again on Saturday at the Babes with Axes show -- Kathleen will be flying to England and Ireland. I swear, if I had a ton of money stacked up in my life, I'd fly from Baltimore to Eugene a couple times a month just to return to being a part of the Billy Mac's Thursday evening get together. I love it. I miss it.
The Deke and I also miss our third spot where we put everything on the table and worked to figure out our lives back in 2013-14: Cornucopia on 17th and Lincoln. It was the Deke's go to spot for some afternoon solitude and grading papers. It was her go to spot for getting together for a glass of wine and some gabbing with her teaching partner -- and other fellow teachers. It was where the Deke and I often went to talk.
So, after Billy Mac's, we dropped in and Debbie ordered her usual, a glass of boxed red wine, and I ordered some Whippersnapper whiskey and we not only enjoyed our time with each other, but we got to have some great conversation with Star Kelley who has worked at Cornucopia for many years and whom we have known since she was a youngster and used to hang out at our house. We had a superb visit, talking a lot about dogs we've cared for recently who were not our own. We also were heartily greeted by the floor manager, Cam, who was always great to us at Cornucopia and was enthused to see us back again.
It was a splendid party.
Sidebar: my cup was really running over this evening. Kellogg High School Class of '72 member and my friend since boyhood, Terry Turner, was in town. He was down in the Whiteaker neighborhood, sampling cider and distilled beverages at a couple of places, but, by the time I was done at Billy Mac's and Cornucopia, Terry was back to his daughter's home, helping his grandchildren get ready for bed and fulfilling other grandfatherly duties.
It was good to know he was around, though, and that with a little good luck we might have thrown back a flight of whiskey or something together -- but it wasn't in the cards, most understandably.
Thursday, July 20, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/19/17: Lunch with Dan, Lane County Fair, Belgian Beers
1. After the Deke did some shopping at Old Navy and the two of us picked up a few things at Trader Joe's, and after I dropped the Deke off at Laura's for another day of practice, I met Dan Armstrong for lunch at Ta Ra Rin. We are both dealing with members of our family being seriously ill and discussed the heartache of loss we have experienced and the loss that inevitably lies ahead. We talked about other things, too, and closed out our time together with a great discussion of the movie, The Conversation. I had remembered correctly that this is one of Dan's favorite of all movies and it was great fun to gush together about how much we both love Gene Hackman's performance and the masterful making of the movie.
2. In the afternoon, Russell and I resumed our tradition of going on photo walks together by going to the Lane County Fair and walking around in the midway, watching the pig races, and checking out the photography exhibits. I hadn't been to the Lane County Fair for about thirty years and it was fun to see people enjoying the rides and playing the different games and having a chance to talk about stuff with Russell.
3. The Troxstar and I strolled from downtown to the Bier Stein where we joined Carolyn, Rick, Shane, Loren, and, for a while, Bingham for a Belgian beatdown/blowout. It was great fun yakkin' with everyone and buying tall bottles of Belgian beer to share together and rave about how good it all tasted. It turned out to be a great evening for walking home, too. The contrast between these cool evenings in Eugene and the humid evenings in Maryland is remarkable -- this July weather in Eugene is a comfort, a great relief.
2. In the afternoon, Russell and I resumed our tradition of going on photo walks together by going to the Lane County Fair and walking around in the midway, watching the pig races, and checking out the photography exhibits. I hadn't been to the Lane County Fair for about thirty years and it was fun to see people enjoying the rides and playing the different games and having a chance to talk about stuff with Russell.
3. The Troxstar and I strolled from downtown to the Bier Stein where we joined Carolyn, Rick, Shane, Loren, and, for a while, Bingham for a Belgian beatdown/blowout. It was great fun yakkin' with everyone and buying tall bottles of Belgian beer to share together and rave about how good it all tasted. It turned out to be a great evening for walking home, too. The contrast between these cool evenings in Eugene and the humid evenings in Maryland is remarkable -- this July weather in Eugene is a comfort, a great relief.
Wednesday, July 19, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/18/17: Breakfast with Rita, Coffee with Kathryn, Dinner at the Pendletons'
1. This morning I roared in Mom's Malibu south on I-5 to Creswell where Rita and I each ate a hearty breakfast sandwich at the Creswell Bakery. We talked about all kinds of things and looked at passages from Aldous Huxley's Perennial Philosophy and returned to Rita's house and sat on the porch and talked some more. Rita and I first started team teaching together in 1993. It's remarkable to ponder that that was almost twenty-five years ago and looking at Huxley's book brought back memories of many of the ideas we explored while teaching ethics, epistemology, and metaphysics, along with composition, together, opening, yes, our students' minds to many different worlds of new ideas, but each of ours, too.
Coincidentally, when I got back to our Eugene rental later in the day, a former student of ours from 1993-94 posted, on Facebook, a request for material assistance as she hosts her granddaughter. I thought back to all the writing this student did for Rita and me and all she's experienced over the years and how fortunate her teenage granddaughter is to have such a generous advocate helping her out this summer.
2. Upon returning to Eugene, I met Kathryn for coffee downtown at Full City and we talked about all kinds of things, including the challenges of helping care for an ailing mother, cooking, mutual friends involved with the Saturday breakfast at St. Mary's, writing, and a host of other topics.
3. The Deke and I spent the evening at the Pendletons' with Herb and Francoise and Miles and Bryce. Miles and Bryce were both the Deke's students at Charlemagne -- in fact, Miles was in the first class the Deke taught at that school and now he has graduated from high school and is off to the University of Miami in Florida. Another of the Deke's students, Joey, was also at the Pendleton's and so was Martha, the Deke's first principal at Charlemagne. It was a lively evening of cocktails, great food, and many, many stories and lots of laughter.
Coincidentally, when I got back to our Eugene rental later in the day, a former student of ours from 1993-94 posted, on Facebook, a request for material assistance as she hosts her granddaughter. I thought back to all the writing this student did for Rita and me and all she's experienced over the years and how fortunate her teenage granddaughter is to have such a generous advocate helping her out this summer.
2. Upon returning to Eugene, I met Kathryn for coffee downtown at Full City and we talked about all kinds of things, including the challenges of helping care for an ailing mother, cooking, mutual friends involved with the Saturday breakfast at St. Mary's, writing, and a host of other topics.
3. The Deke and I spent the evening at the Pendletons' with Herb and Francoise and Miles and Bryce. Miles and Bryce were both the Deke's students at Charlemagne -- in fact, Miles was in the first class the Deke taught at that school and now he has graduated from high school and is off to the University of Miami in Florida. Another of the Deke's students, Joey, was also at the Pendleton's and so was Martha, the Deke's first principal at Charlemagne. It was a lively evening of cocktails, great food, and many, many stories and lots of laughter.
Tuesday, July 18, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/17/17: Mom Update, Sweet Creek, Bier Stein, 16 Tons with the Band
Before I write a bit about my day in Eugene, I have good news from back in Kellogg. Today Mom was moved into a private room at Kindred. It will give her more space to live among things from her home, a quieter room to rest in, and more room for family and friends when we visit. This change came as a surprise to all of us, a most welcome surprise.
1. I had a wide open day today so I packed up my camera and drove to Sweet Creek Falls, one of my very favorite spots anywhere. It couldn't have been more perfect weather for a hike: warm, with frequent cool breezes and the trail at Sweet Creek is comfortably shaded. I will look at and edit my pictures when I get back to Kellogg, but I had the time of my life taking all black and white shots, primarily playing with all the light and shadow contrasts available every step of the way.
2. Upon returning to Eugene, I realized I'd hardly eaten a thing all day. I went to the Bier Stein and had a snifter of Block 15's Sticky Hands Imperial IPA and a half a Reuben sandwich -- which was just right. When I lived in Eugene, I loved going to the Bier Stein in the afternoons. It's much quieter than in the evening and there are always empty seats at the horseshoe bar and that's where I enjoy sitting. Today was perfect. For dessert, I ordered 4 oz. of Epic's Big Bad Baptist, a whiskey barrel-aged Imperial Stout made with coffee and cocoa nibs. It was a perfect topper to a relaxing session at the horseshoe bar back at the Bier Stein.
3. The Deke practiced all day with the Babes with Axes and, as I was getting ready to leave the Bier Stein, a text message flew into my phone asking me to make a beer run for the band.
Gladly.
I stopped at the New Frontier Market and bought the band a sixer of 8 Ball Stout and one of Torpedo and delivered it to Laura's house where I found the band in good spirits and ready for a break.
Later on, I knew the Deke and Katie were going to go to 16 Tons eventually, so I started to walk there and as I was hoofing it down West Broadway, there, seated at a table on the sidewalk outside Ambrosia, was Barbara Breaden, a good friend I taught with at LCC for about twenty-five years. Barbara is also retired and she told me about the invigorating ways she has spent her retirement -- tutoring, taking Spanish classes, among other things. It was a thrilling surprise to see Barbara and to see her looking terrific and learning she is living such a good life.
It turned out the band was at 16 Tons and I joined them at their table, ate a couple of La Perla pieces of pizza, enjoyed a can of pilsner beer and couple 4 oz pours of sour ales from Logsdon and before long the Deke and I walked back to our rental, stopping off along the way at the quiet and airy Wandering Lamb for a Marker's Mark on the rocks.
1. I had a wide open day today so I packed up my camera and drove to Sweet Creek Falls, one of my very favorite spots anywhere. It couldn't have been more perfect weather for a hike: warm, with frequent cool breezes and the trail at Sweet Creek is comfortably shaded. I will look at and edit my pictures when I get back to Kellogg, but I had the time of my life taking all black and white shots, primarily playing with all the light and shadow contrasts available every step of the way.
2. Upon returning to Eugene, I realized I'd hardly eaten a thing all day. I went to the Bier Stein and had a snifter of Block 15's Sticky Hands Imperial IPA and a half a Reuben sandwich -- which was just right. When I lived in Eugene, I loved going to the Bier Stein in the afternoons. It's much quieter than in the evening and there are always empty seats at the horseshoe bar and that's where I enjoy sitting. Today was perfect. For dessert, I ordered 4 oz. of Epic's Big Bad Baptist, a whiskey barrel-aged Imperial Stout made with coffee and cocoa nibs. It was a perfect topper to a relaxing session at the horseshoe bar back at the Bier Stein.
3. The Deke practiced all day with the Babes with Axes and, as I was getting ready to leave the Bier Stein, a text message flew into my phone asking me to make a beer run for the band.
Gladly.
I stopped at the New Frontier Market and bought the band a sixer of 8 Ball Stout and one of Torpedo and delivered it to Laura's house where I found the band in good spirits and ready for a break.
Later on, I knew the Deke and Katie were going to go to 16 Tons eventually, so I started to walk there and as I was hoofing it down West Broadway, there, seated at a table on the sidewalk outside Ambrosia, was Barbara Breaden, a good friend I taught with at LCC for about twenty-five years. Barbara is also retired and she told me about the invigorating ways she has spent her retirement -- tutoring, taking Spanish classes, among other things. It was a thrilling surprise to see Barbara and to see her looking terrific and learning she is living such a good life.
It turned out the band was at 16 Tons and I joined them at their table, ate a couple of La Perla pieces of pizza, enjoyed a can of pilsner beer and couple 4 oz pours of sour ales from Logsdon and before long the Deke and I walked back to our rental, stopping off along the way at the quiet and airy Wandering Lamb for a Marker's Mark on the rocks.
Monday, July 17, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/16/17: Liturgy and Hammerhead Ale, Seeing Jane King, The Babes at High Street
1. After I took a stroll to the Starbucks on 7th near the Washington/Jefferson interchange and returned with coffee for the Deke, she and I walked toward St. Marys Episcopal Church. The Deke didn't join me for worship, but I was very happy to walk into the church and immediately see a host of people I've known for years and have some time to chat. Once situated in a pew, the Troxstar joined me. Some mornings I experience the liturgy and the Eucharist as an old, familiar duvet of comfort and lose myself in the folds of prayers, Scripture readings, the sermon, hymns, and the words of Eucharist. Today was one of those mornings.
After the service, the Troxstar and I found the Deke at Vero Espresso House across the street and we moseyed over to the High Street Pub a couple of blocks away. For me, going to High Street was a return to the source, the place where I was introduced to locally microbrewed beers about twenty-one years ago. I ordered a Hammerhead, put it to my nose and let the memories rush in: suddenly I was seated inside the pub, drinking a Hammerhead, listening to the Who's album Live at Leeds, at about 10:30 p.m., having hopped off the LTD bus after another Wednesday night of teaching Shakespeare at LCC; I was at Edgefield, marveling at the paintings, wandering the halls of the hotel, and, later, sitting on a comfortable chair on one of the huge porches, sipping a Hammerhead; I was in NW Portland, at the Blue Moon, on Father's Day, 2011, watching Rory McIlroy win the U. S. Open at Congressional Country Club in Bethesda, near where I live now; I was in Rita's living room, drinking Hammerhead from a bottle; I was at the High Street bar, relaxing with a Hammerhead and a side of fries after a Friday night run through of another Shakespeare Showcase.
I had a good life in Eugene and in Oregon and so much of what I enjoyed was connected to St. Mary's Episcopal Church and McMenamins Hammerhead Pale Ale.
2. Another dimension of my good life in Eugene was regular coffee meet-ups. Today, seated at a table on the sidewalk outside Perugino's, Margaret, Michael, Nate, and I enjoyed about two hours of conversation, talking about books, family, Paul Simon, and a host of other topics and interests.
While we were yakkin' away, to our great surprise who should stroll up to our table?
Jane King!
Margaret and I have known Jane for at least twenty-five years, dating back to when Jane, as a retired school teacher with a great interest in LCC, took courses from us and was deeply interested in the projects around learning communities at the college.
Today, Jane was strolling back to her residence after a trip to Down to Earth and it was both thrilling and touching to see her again and have some time to talk with her and see how well she is doing. I think I last saw Jane over scones in her apartment on December 9, 2014 when we talked about aging parents in relation to their children, a discussion that poignant at the time and lives in me all the more powerfully today.
3. Michael dropped me off back at the High Street Pub where the Deke and her band members were meeting to map out a practice schedule to prepare for their show this coming Saturday, enjoy some drinks, and eat dinner together. Patrick was there and so was Katie's daughter, Sam. Our table filled the shaded area behind the pub with laughter, stories, ideas, planning, and fun. I mostly listened and enjoyed a flight of McMenamins whiskeys and a snifter of the Unicorn Dreams Double IPA which I'd never drunk before, and a tuna salad sandwich. Not long before we left, Patrick took a picture of the Babes with Axes. If you are unfamiliar with the band, starting on the left and moving upward, you'll see T. R., Laura, Katie, and, on the right, is the Deke.
After the service, the Troxstar and I found the Deke at Vero Espresso House across the street and we moseyed over to the High Street Pub a couple of blocks away. For me, going to High Street was a return to the source, the place where I was introduced to locally microbrewed beers about twenty-one years ago. I ordered a Hammerhead, put it to my nose and let the memories rush in: suddenly I was seated inside the pub, drinking a Hammerhead, listening to the Who's album Live at Leeds, at about 10:30 p.m., having hopped off the LTD bus after another Wednesday night of teaching Shakespeare at LCC; I was at Edgefield, marveling at the paintings, wandering the halls of the hotel, and, later, sitting on a comfortable chair on one of the huge porches, sipping a Hammerhead; I was in NW Portland, at the Blue Moon, on Father's Day, 2011, watching Rory McIlroy win the U. S. Open at Congressional Country Club in Bethesda, near where I live now; I was in Rita's living room, drinking Hammerhead from a bottle; I was at the High Street bar, relaxing with a Hammerhead and a side of fries after a Friday night run through of another Shakespeare Showcase.
I had a good life in Eugene and in Oregon and so much of what I enjoyed was connected to St. Mary's Episcopal Church and McMenamins Hammerhead Pale Ale.
2. Another dimension of my good life in Eugene was regular coffee meet-ups. Today, seated at a table on the sidewalk outside Perugino's, Margaret, Michael, Nate, and I enjoyed about two hours of conversation, talking about books, family, Paul Simon, and a host of other topics and interests.
While we were yakkin' away, to our great surprise who should stroll up to our table?
Jane King!
Margaret and I have known Jane for at least twenty-five years, dating back to when Jane, as a retired school teacher with a great interest in LCC, took courses from us and was deeply interested in the projects around learning communities at the college.
Today, Jane was strolling back to her residence after a trip to Down to Earth and it was both thrilling and touching to see her again and have some time to talk with her and see how well she is doing. I think I last saw Jane over scones in her apartment on December 9, 2014 when we talked about aging parents in relation to their children, a discussion that poignant at the time and lives in me all the more powerfully today.
3. Michael dropped me off back at the High Street Pub where the Deke and her band members were meeting to map out a practice schedule to prepare for their show this coming Saturday, enjoy some drinks, and eat dinner together. Patrick was there and so was Katie's daughter, Sam. Our table filled the shaded area behind the pub with laughter, stories, ideas, planning, and fun. I mostly listened and enjoyed a flight of McMenamins whiskeys and a snifter of the Unicorn Dreams Double IPA which I'd never drunk before, and a tuna salad sandwich. Not long before we left, Patrick took a picture of the Babes with Axes. If you are unfamiliar with the band, starting on the left and moving upward, you'll see T. R., Laura, Katie, and, on the right, is the Deke.
Sunday, July 16, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/15/17: The Drive to Eugene, 16 Tons, Billy Mac's and Plants
1. I am happy to report that my drive from Kellogg to Eugene was both easy and enjoyable. If not for a longish wait for a croissant at Starbucks in Ritzville where the barista forgot I ordered it and a couple of slowdowns on I 205 and I 5, I would have made the trip in nine hours. As it turned out, I arrived in Eugene almost simultaneously with the Deke and Patrick -- the Deke called me from the corner of Broadway and High and I answered the phone while at a stoplight one block back.
2. We met at 16 Tons, an almost spiritual experience for the Deke and me. This was one of three places in Eugene during the days in 2013-14 when everything was on the table and we worked out our decision to sell the house and move, eventually, to Maryland. It was always our favorite beer place and today was no different. I knew I was back on the West Coast drinking an Oregon IPA as I worked my way through a pint of Ft. George 3-Way IPA, a stunningly flavorful, intensely hoppy, hazy glass of bliss. I also had a couple of 4 oz pours of Logsdon's Kriek Vier Sour, a bourbon aged sour balanced by just the right sweetness of cherries. More bliss.
Temporary heaven? Reunion with the Deke. Reunion with Patrick. Drinking fine beer at 16 Tons and eating pizza from La Perla Pizzeria across the street.
3. We decided we wanted to go one more place before getting settled into the condo.
Billy Mac's. The refurbished Billy Mac's as it turns out. It was the Deke's and my second place to go to spread everything about our lives on the table and make decisions.
We learned from our Billy Mac's friend and server, Amber, that Cathy no longer works the floor, but we hope she might pop in and visit us when we meet with our Billy Mac's friends on Thursday.
Patrick, the Deke, and I shared a plate of pan-seared ahi with wontons and each had a drink and the Deke and I continued to revel in our return to another familiar place in this city where we lived so many years.
When it was time to go to the condo, I took the long way to 10th and Lincoln and drove by the house we once owned. Back in 2011, the Deke and I had a new yard and gardens put in and I wanted to see how it had all matured.
I also put in some roses along the side of the garage by the alley and I wondered if they had thrived.
Everything has thrived -- well, everything the people who bought the house kept in the ground -- which was almost everything.
I enjoyed seeing all those plants doing so well and will return to gawk at the plants some more.
2. We met at 16 Tons, an almost spiritual experience for the Deke and me. This was one of three places in Eugene during the days in 2013-14 when everything was on the table and we worked out our decision to sell the house and move, eventually, to Maryland. It was always our favorite beer place and today was no different. I knew I was back on the West Coast drinking an Oregon IPA as I worked my way through a pint of Ft. George 3-Way IPA, a stunningly flavorful, intensely hoppy, hazy glass of bliss. I also had a couple of 4 oz pours of Logsdon's Kriek Vier Sour, a bourbon aged sour balanced by just the right sweetness of cherries. More bliss.
Temporary heaven? Reunion with the Deke. Reunion with Patrick. Drinking fine beer at 16 Tons and eating pizza from La Perla Pizzeria across the street.
3. We decided we wanted to go one more place before getting settled into the condo.
Billy Mac's. The refurbished Billy Mac's as it turns out. It was the Deke's and my second place to go to spread everything about our lives on the table and make decisions.
We learned from our Billy Mac's friend and server, Amber, that Cathy no longer works the floor, but we hope she might pop in and visit us when we meet with our Billy Mac's friends on Thursday.
Patrick, the Deke, and I shared a plate of pan-seared ahi with wontons and each had a drink and the Deke and I continued to revel in our return to another familiar place in this city where we lived so many years.
When it was time to go to the condo, I took the long way to 10th and Lincoln and drove by the house we once owned. Back in 2011, the Deke and I had a new yard and gardens put in and I wanted to see how it had all matured.
I also put in some roses along the side of the garage by the alley and I wondered if they had thrived.
Everything has thrived -- well, everything the people who bought the house kept in the ground -- which was almost everything.
I enjoyed seeing all those plants doing so well and will return to gawk at the plants some more.
Friday, July 14, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/14/17: Mom's Late Morning, Hospice Nurse Visit, Going to a Concert
1. When I visited Mom at 10 this morning, she was asleep and in her pajamas. I grabbed her laundry bag and headed back over to her house and washed her clothes and got some chores done in the basement until the wash cycle ended. After I put the clothes in the drier, I headed back to see Mom. She'd had two visitors while I was gone, but I don't know if she remembered them,a and Susan and Joe Kerns came in just as I arrived. While the Kerns visited with Mom, I checked back on the laundry, but it wasn't dry, so I went back to be with Mom and to visit with her and Susan and Joe.
2. At 12:30, a nurse from Hospice North Idaho came to Mom's room. So did Christy. The nurse explained all that is included in the hospice services and Mom signed off on all of it, with Christy's and my approval.
Having Hospice North Idaho involved means Mom will have added caretakers and ones who are more focused on palliative care.
I've been struggling within myself about the fact that I am leaving Kellogg for Eugene on Saturday, July 15th so I can spend time with the Deke, whom I've been apart from for a month now. The band she's a member of, Babes with Axes, is performing at the WOW Hall on Saturday the 22nd and she will be in Eugene so the band can practice and prepare for their show.
My sisters have been most supportive and encouraging about me leaving. I deeply appreciate that. All the same, it's difficult to leave them and my mother. I know that Christy and Carol and Carol's family will spend generous amounts of time with Mom, but, still, it makes a big difference to have all of us helping Mom out together.
Well, this is all to say that I am torn. I want to help out with Mom's care. I want to be with the Deke. Except for the days the Deke will be in Kellogg when our Eugene visit ends, I can't be with both at the same time. I'm very happy that I'll get to spend time with the Deke, see friends in Eugene, and go to the Babes with Axes show, but in some ways I don't really want to leave.
I'm torn.
3. I went back to see Mom around 5:00, in part to return her laundry, and she was in an upbeat, feisty mood, with a greater sense of humor than I've experienced from her since I arrived a month ago. She told Paul, Zoe, and me that she was ready to go to a concert. I told her there wasn't a concert. A little later, she said yes to my idea of going out to the back garden. We enjoyed the flowers and the fresh air and the light breeze.
When we came back into the Kindred facility, lo and behold, there was a concert getting underway. A trio was playing western songs, old pop music, and some folk tunes and I wheeled Mom into the dining area and we listened to the trio play for nearly an hour. Mom enjoyed it a lot.
I returned Mom to her room and told her once again I was leaving in the morning for Eugene and started to say good-bye. She was miffed. She got her back up and wondered why I hadn't told her I was leaving. I explained my plans once again, told her that my leaving must have slipped her mind, but she was stiff and not very receptive when I hugged her good-bye, kissed her forehead, and told her I loved her.
She was happy, though, that I'd be returning with the Deke -- or, as she put it, "That's the big news."
2. At 12:30, a nurse from Hospice North Idaho came to Mom's room. So did Christy. The nurse explained all that is included in the hospice services and Mom signed off on all of it, with Christy's and my approval.
Having Hospice North Idaho involved means Mom will have added caretakers and ones who are more focused on palliative care.
I've been struggling within myself about the fact that I am leaving Kellogg for Eugene on Saturday, July 15th so I can spend time with the Deke, whom I've been apart from for a month now. The band she's a member of, Babes with Axes, is performing at the WOW Hall on Saturday the 22nd and she will be in Eugene so the band can practice and prepare for their show.
My sisters have been most supportive and encouraging about me leaving. I deeply appreciate that. All the same, it's difficult to leave them and my mother. I know that Christy and Carol and Carol's family will spend generous amounts of time with Mom, but, still, it makes a big difference to have all of us helping Mom out together.
Well, this is all to say that I am torn. I want to help out with Mom's care. I want to be with the Deke. Except for the days the Deke will be in Kellogg when our Eugene visit ends, I can't be with both at the same time. I'm very happy that I'll get to spend time with the Deke, see friends in Eugene, and go to the Babes with Axes show, but in some ways I don't really want to leave.
I'm torn.
3. I went back to see Mom around 5:00, in part to return her laundry, and she was in an upbeat, feisty mood, with a greater sense of humor than I've experienced from her since I arrived a month ago. She told Paul, Zoe, and me that she was ready to go to a concert. I told her there wasn't a concert. A little later, she said yes to my idea of going out to the back garden. We enjoyed the flowers and the fresh air and the light breeze.
When we came back into the Kindred facility, lo and behold, there was a concert getting underway. A trio was playing western songs, old pop music, and some folk tunes and I wheeled Mom into the dining area and we listened to the trio play for nearly an hour. Mom enjoyed it a lot.
I returned Mom to her room and told her once again I was leaving in the morning for Eugene and started to say good-bye. She was miffed. She got her back up and wondered why I hadn't told her I was leaving. I explained my plans once again, told her that my leaving must have slipped her mind, but she was stiff and not very receptive when I hugged her good-bye, kissed her forehead, and told her I loved her.
She was happy, though, that I'd be returning with the Deke -- or, as she put it, "That's the big news."
Three Beautiful Things 07/13/17: Mom's Appointment and Hospice, Back at Kindred, Mom's Playful Sleep
1. Carol returned home from her trip to Italy Wednesday night and Thursday morning she sprung up, bright and early, to visit Mom. Mom immediately recognized her and they had some good conversation and worked on getting Mom ready for her appointment at the uptown clinic with Dr. McDonald. I met Mom just as she was being wheeled by Misty, the vibrant CNA who schedules and transports Kindred residents in one of the company's vans.
The exam room didn't have space for all of us to be with Mom, so, since Christy and I have been with Mom over the last three+ weeks, we accompanied Mom.
Dr. McDonald last saw Mom on June 15th, a month ago. She seemed taken aback my Mom's decline since then. In the doctor's office, Mom fell asleep waiting for the doctor and was in a confused state when Dr. McDonald asked her some simple questions. Dr. McDonald turned her attention to Christy to see what her concerns about Mom were and addressed the question of how much Mom is sleeping. Dr. McDonald identified increased sleep as a symptom of Mom's life nearing its end and that we should think of Mom's sleeping less in terms of how much sleep does she need, but how much does she want, understanding it as a source of comfort and happiness for Mom.
This question opened to way for Dr. McDonald to level with all of us that Mom's condition continues to deteriorate and that our main focus should be on doing what makes Mom happy and comfortable. She recommended that Mom be evaluated soon by a hospice nurse. This means that most of our attention will be not on treating Mom but comforting her, helping make her remaining days as agreeable as possible. I should add that the doctor did not say Mom has only so many days or weeks or months to live, only that Mom is showing end-of-life signs and symptoms -- the increased sleep, loss of appetite and diminishing power of taste, cold hands and feet, and confusion, among other things.
Mom seemed to understand what it meant to involve hospice and agreed to hospice care without hesitation. Mom has always had high regard for hospice care, particularly when Dad died. She talked about her memories of Betty Mercado being Dad's hospice nurse. Mom and I both have very pleasant memories of Betty's care for Dad and of our conversations with Betty as Dad's life was coming to an end.
2. We returned to Kindred and, within ten minutes, an aide came to offer Mom a shower. I'm glad I was there because Mom thought she had just had a shower and didn't see why she would have another one. In time, though, Mom came to believe that her last shower was on Monday and agreed to have another one today. When the aide -- another woman named Misty -- came to wheel Mom away, she asked Mom how her doctor's appointment went and Mom didn't know she'd had one.
Mom came back from the shower refreshed and soon her beef pot pie for lunch arrived. Mom and I reminisced a bit about how Stein's used to sell Banquet frozen pot pies for some ridiculously low price like twelve for a dollar. That can't be right, but it's how we both remembered it.
Conversation with Mom invited me into her world, a world of imagined dinner parties and papers on the television and questions about people I didn't know, nor did I know if they exist outside of Mom's personal reality. I accepted the invitation, doing my best to answer questions I could answer ("Who drove my car last? Is the car in the garage?") and ones I couldn't ("Why did Terry's wife leave the party early?").
Around 1:00, Christy and Carol arrived at Mom's room and I slipped away and, before too long, Christy, Carol, and I met at Best Shots so we could review Mom's appointment and talk about what's next.
3. After lunch, I took a nap. I returned to Mom's room shortly before 5:00 and Mom was asleep and slept the entire time I was with her, until about 6:30. When one of the aides came in with her dinner, Mom woke up briefly and looked at me, puffed out her cheeks, and pretended to put her arms and hands around her own pretend Santa Claus belly -- she didn't say anything, but the message was clear: "they're trying to make me fat!" and she kind of laughed. I'd never seen Mom make this gesture before and it made me laugh, too.
Later, the aide returned and said, "Miss Mary, darlin', do you want your dinner?" Mom put her index finger in front of her lips and said, "Shhhhh", as if out of concern for her roommates who might be sleeping. This particular sleep that Mom was in was kind of playful sometimes. It also involved little hallucinations, including one moment when she called out, "Mikey! Stop that! Stop that, Mikey!" I listened and tried to think of a Mikey in Mom's life, but couldn't.
When I left Mom around 6:30 to join Christy and Everett for dinner, Mom was sleeping peacefully and didn't stir when I told her I was leaving and that I'd be back tomorrow.
The exam room didn't have space for all of us to be with Mom, so, since Christy and I have been with Mom over the last three+ weeks, we accompanied Mom.
Dr. McDonald last saw Mom on June 15th, a month ago. She seemed taken aback my Mom's decline since then. In the doctor's office, Mom fell asleep waiting for the doctor and was in a confused state when Dr. McDonald asked her some simple questions. Dr. McDonald turned her attention to Christy to see what her concerns about Mom were and addressed the question of how much Mom is sleeping. Dr. McDonald identified increased sleep as a symptom of Mom's life nearing its end and that we should think of Mom's sleeping less in terms of how much sleep does she need, but how much does she want, understanding it as a source of comfort and happiness for Mom.
This question opened to way for Dr. McDonald to level with all of us that Mom's condition continues to deteriorate and that our main focus should be on doing what makes Mom happy and comfortable. She recommended that Mom be evaluated soon by a hospice nurse. This means that most of our attention will be not on treating Mom but comforting her, helping make her remaining days as agreeable as possible. I should add that the doctor did not say Mom has only so many days or weeks or months to live, only that Mom is showing end-of-life signs and symptoms -- the increased sleep, loss of appetite and diminishing power of taste, cold hands and feet, and confusion, among other things.
Mom seemed to understand what it meant to involve hospice and agreed to hospice care without hesitation. Mom has always had high regard for hospice care, particularly when Dad died. She talked about her memories of Betty Mercado being Dad's hospice nurse. Mom and I both have very pleasant memories of Betty's care for Dad and of our conversations with Betty as Dad's life was coming to an end.
2. We returned to Kindred and, within ten minutes, an aide came to offer Mom a shower. I'm glad I was there because Mom thought she had just had a shower and didn't see why she would have another one. In time, though, Mom came to believe that her last shower was on Monday and agreed to have another one today. When the aide -- another woman named Misty -- came to wheel Mom away, she asked Mom how her doctor's appointment went and Mom didn't know she'd had one.
Mom came back from the shower refreshed and soon her beef pot pie for lunch arrived. Mom and I reminisced a bit about how Stein's used to sell Banquet frozen pot pies for some ridiculously low price like twelve for a dollar. That can't be right, but it's how we both remembered it.
Conversation with Mom invited me into her world, a world of imagined dinner parties and papers on the television and questions about people I didn't know, nor did I know if they exist outside of Mom's personal reality. I accepted the invitation, doing my best to answer questions I could answer ("Who drove my car last? Is the car in the garage?") and ones I couldn't ("Why did Terry's wife leave the party early?").
Around 1:00, Christy and Carol arrived at Mom's room and I slipped away and, before too long, Christy, Carol, and I met at Best Shots so we could review Mom's appointment and talk about what's next.
3. After lunch, I took a nap. I returned to Mom's room shortly before 5:00 and Mom was asleep and slept the entire time I was with her, until about 6:30. When one of the aides came in with her dinner, Mom woke up briefly and looked at me, puffed out her cheeks, and pretended to put her arms and hands around her own pretend Santa Claus belly -- she didn't say anything, but the message was clear: "they're trying to make me fat!" and she kind of laughed. I'd never seen Mom make this gesture before and it made me laugh, too.
Later, the aide returned and said, "Miss Mary, darlin', do you want your dinner?" Mom put her index finger in front of her lips and said, "Shhhhh", as if out of concern for her roommates who might be sleeping. This particular sleep that Mom was in was kind of playful sometimes. It also involved little hallucinations, including one moment when she called out, "Mikey! Stop that! Stop that, Mikey!" I listened and tried to think of a Mikey in Mom's life, but couldn't.
When I left Mom around 6:30 to join Christy and Everett for dinner, Mom was sleeping peacefully and didn't stir when I told her I was leaving and that I'd be back tomorrow.
Thursday, July 13, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/12/17: Mom Puts on Make-Up, Corby's, Class of '70 at Midtown Pub
1. I walked into Mom's room around 10:00 and she was fast asleep and in her pajamas. I sat with her. I wanted her to have someone to talk to when she woke up and as she started to sort out the day and time and what lay ahead for the day. At about 11:30, she sat up and insisted she could dress herself. I didn't think this was true and I pushed the button for help and an aide came in and, having ticked Mom off because I buzzed for help, I thought it best for the aide and Mom to work things out.
They did.
Shortly before lunch, I returned to Mom's room and she was dressed and in her wheelchair. When an aide brought her lunch, Mom told the aide she didn't want it, to take it away. Mom was a little feisty after her long sleep. Then, out of the blue, Mom asked me to get out her Nivea cream and make-up bag and told me, "I want to go to the bathroom and put on my make-up." I wheeled her over to the the sink outside the bathroom and Mom put cream on her face and then make-up.
I kept thinking how good it would be if Mom had things like this to do more often. Putting on the make-up kept Mom focused. She seemed to enjoy it and it was something she could do without much help. Christy arrived soon after Mom finished, about 1:40. I had plans to go to Coeur d'Alene and told Mom good-bye.
2. I arrived at Byrdman's and we sat on his front porch and yakked and each enjoyed a German beer. We sprang off the porch and headed out to Post Falls to Corby's, a bar owned and run by Dave Corbeil, who graduated from Kellogg High School in 1967 and was a well-known athlete -- and had helped coach the Babe Ruth All-Star team I was on in the summer of 1969. Byrdman and I had a beer with Corby and shot the breeze, some about the good old days and some about the good old present. I was a solid time and we shall return.
3. Byrdman and I decided next to stop in at the newly opened Midtown Pub in Coeur d'Alene. We didn't know that members of the Coeur d'Alene High School class of 1970 were having a get together and we were thrilled by the news. Byrdman was especially excited, being a 1970 grad of Kellogg, because he'd played a lot of ball over the years with and against a lot of Cd'A guys.
Well, sure enough, we saw some people Byrdman knew well and I had some connection to. We talked with Tim Shepperd. Tim Turrell came by. Soon Jack Morris strolled in and we yakked with him. It was great talking about playing baseball and basketball back in high school and getting caught up on what these guys and other people we knew were up to. Byrdman and I were not expecting such a blast from the past when we walked into the Midtown Pub.
They did.
Shortly before lunch, I returned to Mom's room and she was dressed and in her wheelchair. When an aide brought her lunch, Mom told the aide she didn't want it, to take it away. Mom was a little feisty after her long sleep. Then, out of the blue, Mom asked me to get out her Nivea cream and make-up bag and told me, "I want to go to the bathroom and put on my make-up." I wheeled her over to the the sink outside the bathroom and Mom put cream on her face and then make-up.
I kept thinking how good it would be if Mom had things like this to do more often. Putting on the make-up kept Mom focused. She seemed to enjoy it and it was something she could do without much help. Christy arrived soon after Mom finished, about 1:40. I had plans to go to Coeur d'Alene and told Mom good-bye.
2. I arrived at Byrdman's and we sat on his front porch and yakked and each enjoyed a German beer. We sprang off the porch and headed out to Post Falls to Corby's, a bar owned and run by Dave Corbeil, who graduated from Kellogg High School in 1967 and was a well-known athlete -- and had helped coach the Babe Ruth All-Star team I was on in the summer of 1969. Byrdman and I had a beer with Corby and shot the breeze, some about the good old days and some about the good old present. I was a solid time and we shall return.
3. Byrdman and I decided next to stop in at the newly opened Midtown Pub in Coeur d'Alene. We didn't know that members of the Coeur d'Alene High School class of 1970 were having a get together and we were thrilled by the news. Byrdman was especially excited, being a 1970 grad of Kellogg, because he'd played a lot of ball over the years with and against a lot of Cd'A guys.
Well, sure enough, we saw some people Byrdman knew well and I had some connection to. We talked with Tim Shepperd. Tim Turrell came by. Soon Jack Morris strolled in and we yakked with him. It was great talking about playing baseball and basketball back in high school and getting caught up on what these guys and other people we knew were up to. Byrdman and I were not expecting such a blast from the past when we walked into the Midtown Pub.
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
Three Beautiful Things 07/11/17: My Day with Mom, Finished *The Conversation*, Watching *No No*
1. Today I sat with Mom just before her lunch arrived, during lunch, checked in on her periodically throughout the afternoon while she slept, rejoined her about an hour and half before dinner and during dinner, and returned a little after 8:00 p.m. to make sure she was down for the night.
When Mom was awake today, she was at once remarkably lucid and disarmingly disoriented. At one point, she told me with absolute clarity what she had to do to be able to return home again -- dress herself and get herself into and out of the bathroom -- and in the next she was telling me how she drove Christy somewhere and wondered if I would pick her up. Sometimes, when Mom tells a childhood story, say, about when her mother made her take magnesium pills out at the ranch for her dental health, I see the mother I've known all my life appear before me; but, then, in the same story, she will cast me as her brother, telling me we took these pills when I was in the sixth grade and she was in the fourth, and I see the mother I have come to know in the last few weeks who has any number of things mixed up.
Today, as has been true since her day of prolonged agitation last Wednesday, Mom's times of sitting in her wheelchair or sitting up in bed didn't last more than sixty or ninety minutes and she was ready to lie back down and go to sleep. In fact, she began asking me to be put in her pajamas around 4:30 this afternoon. We negotiated a compromise to wait until after she had eaten her dinner and so by 6:00 or so, Mom was in bed. I kissed her goodnight and told her I'd come back over after dinner to check on her and, when I did, she was sleeping serenely.
2. I finished watching The Conversation this afternoon. I've seen this movie multiple times, more than ten for sure, maybe even twenty times. Once again, the psychological study of Gene Hackman's character, Harry Caul, chilled me, unnerved me. Having seen the movie so many times, I know exactly what's coming, but the repeated viewings deepen my response, not dull it.
3. After a very delicious chicken dinner on Christy and Everett's back deck and after my quick check on Mom, I returned to Mom's house and watched No No: A Dockumentary. It tells the story of the stormy baseball career of Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Dock Ellis who famously pitched a no-hitter in 1970 while tripping on acid. The sensational LSD story might be the hook to get a viewer interested in this movie, but the core of Dock Ellis' story is much deeper, often unsettling, always fascinating. I had seen this movie in D.C. three years ago and very much enjoyed returning to it on Netflix.
When Mom was awake today, she was at once remarkably lucid and disarmingly disoriented. At one point, she told me with absolute clarity what she had to do to be able to return home again -- dress herself and get herself into and out of the bathroom -- and in the next she was telling me how she drove Christy somewhere and wondered if I would pick her up. Sometimes, when Mom tells a childhood story, say, about when her mother made her take magnesium pills out at the ranch for her dental health, I see the mother I've known all my life appear before me; but, then, in the same story, she will cast me as her brother, telling me we took these pills when I was in the sixth grade and she was in the fourth, and I see the mother I have come to know in the last few weeks who has any number of things mixed up.
Today, as has been true since her day of prolonged agitation last Wednesday, Mom's times of sitting in her wheelchair or sitting up in bed didn't last more than sixty or ninety minutes and she was ready to lie back down and go to sleep. In fact, she began asking me to be put in her pajamas around 4:30 this afternoon. We negotiated a compromise to wait until after she had eaten her dinner and so by 6:00 or so, Mom was in bed. I kissed her goodnight and told her I'd come back over after dinner to check on her and, when I did, she was sleeping serenely.
2. I finished watching The Conversation this afternoon. I've seen this movie multiple times, more than ten for sure, maybe even twenty times. Once again, the psychological study of Gene Hackman's character, Harry Caul, chilled me, unnerved me. Having seen the movie so many times, I know exactly what's coming, but the repeated viewings deepen my response, not dull it.
3. After a very delicious chicken dinner on Christy and Everett's back deck and after my quick check on Mom, I returned to Mom's house and watched No No: A Dockumentary. It tells the story of the stormy baseball career of Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Dock Ellis who famously pitched a no-hitter in 1970 while tripping on acid. The sensational LSD story might be the hook to get a viewer interested in this movie, but the core of Dock Ellis' story is much deeper, often unsettling, always fascinating. I had seen this movie in D.C. three years ago and very much enjoyed returning to it on Netflix.
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