Wednesday I was driving to school or back or something and I daydreamed, looking forward to July and having a reunion with my cousins, the Baugh family tree, and daydreamed how fun it would be to go to a bar with my cousin John and have a few beers and listen to his tales about logging and things in Orofino and look back on my dad and how much Dad enjoyed John and get a little high and then my daydream took a funny turn when someone in the bar decided I looked soft, like an egghead, and probably shouldn't be in a downtown Orofino bar so John and I teamed up, kicked this guy's ass, and threw him out on the street and went back to our beer, unbruised, a little out of breath, but more than cousins....we were brothers in arms..
Wednesday evening Mom called.
"I have sad news. Your cousin John died in his sleep last night..."
John's gone. Just like that. Almost instant.
It's Saturday. The funeral is today in Orofino.
I can't accept this happened.