Sunday, February 21, 2010

Sibling Assignment #120: The Ties that Bind Our Marriage

Silver Valley Girl gave thie sibling assignment. "Write about the ties that bind you to your husband or wife. "

Silver Valley Girl has been busy buying and selling oil in Houston and hasn't written her post yet, but you get a lovely look into InlandEmpireGirl's marriage to JEJ, here.

I have been trying my best in the last few months to limit my words to what I know to be true (as much as anything can be known), to stop speculating, and to keep my mouth shut when I just don't know or when I don't understand something.

This attempt at truth telling and calling myself on my own b.s. has not only contributed to my silence about U. S. as well as local politics, it has shut me up about issues related to governing the college at LCC. I used to think I knew what was politically on the mark. I used to act like I understood complicated and complex issues. I used to think I knew who was right. That's not true any longer. In fact, when I read most political commentary, I find myself saying, "How do you know?" or "It sounds to me like you are just making up stuff." It doesn't matter if the commentator is moderate, liberal, conservative, or anything else. I really don't know who is speaking something like the truth anymore.

By the way, the same holds true for analysis of Tiger Woods comments to the world on Friday. I've read quite a few bits of commentary. My response: "How do you know?"

Likewise, at Ernie Kent's days are numbered at the University of Oregon, I read things like this: when he had great players, they coached themselves and didn't need Kent and now that he has lesser players who can't coach themselves, Kent's true deficiencies are showing. How do you know?

When it comes to writing about the ties that bind The Deke and me in our marriage, I'm not sure I know. I'm not going to speculate or make things up. Here's what I think is true:

If we enjoy each other's company, we indulge that pleasure rarely, except around the house, and much of that time is spent in separate rooms.

We both like being in Kellogg.

We make each other laugh.

We love our dogs.

We've found ways to deal with the grief that the Deke suffers, especially after David's death. Most of this agreement involves me leaving the Deke alone, but checking in from time to time to see if she needs anything.

We both find Thai food medicinal as well as delicious.

We want what seems best for the Deke's children and support them, together, in a host of ways.

Not entirely, but mostly, we live separate lives. It's the arrangement that has developed between us, especially in the last five years or so.

Even with the degree of separateness we live with, ties still exist and, while, from the outside, they may seem few, they matter.

I think.

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