1. Hall of Fame basketball coach Bob Knight died today, on November 1, 2023, and his impact on my life over the last 45 years or so is on my mind. His bullying personality, often inflexible demands for loyalty, thin skin, profane disrespect for women, pugnacious persona, and his reliance, as a coach, on demeaning players, subjecting them to domineering temper tantrums, and tearing them down (as a way to build them back up) all became for me, in my twenties and for the rest of my life, the model for exactly how I didn't want to be as a person and as a man.
I've tried (not always successfully) to live by one of my favorite lines from Shakespeare: "Let gentleness my strong enforcement be". It's a line from As You Like It.
Especially as a college instructor for about thirty-five years, I always hoped my students would learn and improve and perform well as a result of my encouragement, positive approach to their work, and my jolliness. I was not a tough guy in the classroom. Occasionally, I slipped, especially when I was a younger teacher, but overall I was not a taskmaster. As I aged as a teacher, I became increasingly lenient, even soft.
Since the announcement of his death, I've read two long pieces about Bob Knight. The first, by Frank Deford, appeared in Sports Illustrated in 1981. The second, by Seth Davis, appeared today in The Athletic. I've saved both articles as PDF files on my desktop and, if asked, am happy to share them.
Both writers try to sort out the contradictory fact that Bob Knight was at once cruel and virtuous, a coach who humiliated his players while also pushing them to be the best they could be on and off the basketball court.
I always have known this about Bob Knight -- that he went out of his way to help players in their lives after they finished playing for him, that he saw to it that his players completed degrees, that Bob Knight was strict about following NCAA rules and was never accused at any of his jobs of cheating, of violating NCAA rules and standards.
But, let's face it.
As an English instructor, I didn't have the kind of focused, intense relationship with my many student every quarter that Bob Knight had every year with the about fifteen or so players he worked with.
I know many of my students from years ago have gone on to live good lives. Some are raising children with love. Many of them are employed in jobs helping others, whether as teachers, social workers, counselors, employees in non-profits, or, in one case, as the owner of a catering company.
I like to think that along with other encouraging teachers, other kind teachers, that we had a positive impact on our students and helped them grow into adulthood, helped them arrive at a deeper sense of themselves and their worlds, without humiliating them, pushing them to the edge of cracking, without verbal abuse, and without crude and profane demonstrations of wielding power with intimidation.
Any one in my life who demeaned me, intimidated me, tried to push me to improve by yelling at me or physically punishing me, thwarted my growth, eroded my confidence, and ruined any trust that might have developed between us.
Bob Knight was for me a role model of exactly the sort of person I never wanted to be. When my behavior as a teacher or a step-parent or a husband or a friend in any way was like Knight's, those moments of weakness have haunted me, no matter how long ago they happened, no matter how unformed and insecure I was when I acted that way.
2. When our HelloFresh box came on Monday, it included the meals we ordered and most of the ingredients for a meal we didn't order. We did not order a meal of Steak and Garlic Pan Sauce with Mashed Potatoes and Broccoli, but our box had everything to make this meal, except the steaks! So, today I bought a pack of petit sirloins and made this dinner. It was very easy. All I had to do was boil potatoes, mash them, and work in sour cream and some water along with roasting the broccoli and a clove of garlic, pan fry the steaks, and make a sauce out of a packet of concentrate in the bag.
It was a terrific meal -- someone's error at HelloFresh turned into good fortune for Debbie and me.
3. After dinner, I joined Copper and Luna on the bed and worked the Thursday NYTimes crossword puzzle. Luna always wants to be near me, either on my chest or close at my side and she is quick, maybe even eager, to purr.
This evening, Copper moved in close to me, level with abdomen. I could easily put my hand on his back and later his underside. Merely placing my hand on Copper moved him to purr, a sound I don't get to hear very often. It was a relaxing and peaceful time together for all three of us -- and, if I were prone to purring, I would have joined their chorus.
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