Friday, August 18, 2017

Three Beautiful Things 08/17/17: Goodbye Mom, Clearing Mom's Room, Arrangements and Drinks and Dinner

1.  Wednesday night, at around 10:30, Christy, Carol, Paul, the Deke, and I visited Mom just minutes after she died. Nurse Kay Day joined us some of the time. Her father-in-law Woody was our next door neighbor for several years back in the 1960s and 1970s. Kay told us about how, years ago, she took a leave of absence from Kindred and moved into her mother's Kindred room and took care of her as she died. Kay also told us what a sweet resident Mom was, how she always seemed to have something kind or humorous to say when Kay looked in on her, especially, for example, when Kay asked her to explain why she'd thrown her oxygen tubing on the floor.

For the thirty minutes or so we were with Mom before Pastor Art Fleming came from the funeral home to transport her away, we told little stories, some through tears, others through laughter, and we admired Mom for the full life she had lived, how strong she was, and marveled at how beautiful and peaceful she looked in death. We took turns holding her hand, stroking her forehead and face, telling her good-bye with our touch and our words and our kisses.

2.  Back at Mom's house, I was wound up after saying good-bye to Mom. I tried to settle down with the help of a couple of cheese spread jars half filled with gin and ice, but the Deke and I didn't really get to sleep until after 1 a.m. At 5:15 a.m., we were back out of bed to get ready to drive to Spokane where the Deke was catching a flight back to Maryland. The size of Mom's house will expand with the Deke gone -- it will be a lonely place for me. Ever since the Deke and I arrived in Kellogg after our ten days in Eugene, back on July 24th, the Deke has been a source of strength and solace for all of us;  not only as she has listened to me and my sisters, talked with us and supported us, but as she cooked us meals, volunteered to do anything we needed, and spoke of her love for her good friend Mary Idell West Woolum.

After I left the airport, I ate a hearty and delicious breakfast at the Breakfast Nook in CdA and returned to Kellogg to join Christy, Carol, and Paul over at Mom's room to gather her things and bring them back to her house. I stopped in to visit with Peny Benson and we talked about Mom and the way she died after, we thought, it must have seemed clear to Mom that everything for her celebration of life and everything at her house was in order and she knew we were complying with all of her instructions about her cremation and being laid to rest with Dad in his funeral plot, in a myrtlewood urn, near his heart.

3. After helping clear out Mom's room, I collapsed until 3 o'clock, sometimes sleeping and, when not sleeping, reading the deeply touching expressions of condolence and love from friends and family on Facebook, in electronic messages, and in e-mails.

At 3 o'clock, my sisters and I met with the funeral home director, Debbie Mikesell, to, among other things, compose an obituary, to plan Mom's interment, and make arrangements for her Celebration of Life.  When the date has been confirmed with the church, I'll post it.

Next stop: Best Shots, for my sisters and I to share a drink or two together and wind down and relax.

We ended the day in Christy and Everett's back yard and feasted on delicious food fixed with Mom's favorite food in mind:  seafood pasta pesto salad and green salad prepared by Jane next door and a very tasty second pasta salad prepared by Kellee Crall. Jane also baked our dessert and it was Mom's very favorite, her request every year on her birthday: angel food cake with lemon cream cheese frosting.

I excused myself a little early from dinner, came back over to Mom's house and, for the second time today, collapsed, this time into a deep and refreshing sleep.

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